Wednesday, January 26, 2005

true success....

first just wanted to say thank you to all of you have been
sending me encouraging emails :) i'm reminded of one
of my favorite movies "It's a Wonderful Life" that the only
thing that really matters in this life is "to have friends"

This is what Jesus died for...friendship. Nothing more, nothing less.
These last days have been a whirlwind of ups, downs and changes.
More than anything, it has been humbling. But a good humbling.
The kind of humbling that pushes you back to the center of it all.
Friendship with God. Truly, this is the only thing that is constant,
trustworthy, faithful, secure, never failing, always there, ever present.

I love Jesus. :) He's the best! He really matter what this world
throws at you, be it trials, temptations, tribulations, tests, torment
or can never take away the one thing that can't be taken
away...your relationship with God. This is the only thing I can bet
my cards on. That Jesus loves me, likes me, this I know, for the Bible
tells me so. :)

So I tell this world "ha" there is nothing, absolutely nothing that
can take away my joy in Him. Not even my own failure, mistakes
or sin...because His perfect love covers a multitude of my sins.

I'm up for some tests in this upcoming season. But whatever happens,
whether its what I want to happen or not, I can be at peace that my
success is not in the circumstance I end up in, but rather it is in the
simple fact that God loves me....true success is to know that God
loves you & to live in that knowledge constantly.

Micah 6:8

This is what the Lord requires of you Jaeson...
"to do justice, to love mercy, to walk humbly with your God."

Saturday, January 22, 2005

trying times...the test of faith

i guess i haven't gone through such a trying time in my life
as the one i am going through now. I wish i could explain
what is happening in my life, but the sad part is that I can't.
This feels almost like the time when I lost everything about
3 years ago at 21. But, I know its for a reason and a season.
I know God is molding, making, breaking and laying a foundation
that I can't understand in me at this moment for a greater
purpose and a greater glory. It's rough though...there will be alot
of changes in my life and ministry this year. I sense the Lord
is doing these changes to have me "slow down" so that He can
have all of me for Himself. That one day I will hear that
"Well done good and faithful servant!"

These last few weeks I have had to face many crosses. Crosses
in my most important friendships, family and future. The cross
is costly. In every cross that He puts before me, I must ask
the question, "in what I decide at this moment what will bring
the most glory to God?" Usually, the difficult decisions. I mean,
it's no joke when Jesus said He came not to bring peace,
but a sword...anyone who loves his father or mother more than
me is not worthy of me: anyone who loves his son or daughter
more than me is not worthy of me; and anyone who does not
take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever
finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my
sake will find it." (Matthew 10:34-39)

This is the situation I am facing at the moment. To forsake all
to follow Christ. I made some tough decisions this last week.
Tough tough decisions. I'm at dust again. Starting from scratch
not knowing where the wind of the Holy Spirit will take me from
here. I have to once again trust God completely for provision,
for the healing of relationships, for everything it seems. I feel like
a walking dead man at times, but it's true, unless a seed falls to
the ground and dies it cannot bear much grain (John 12) I must
continually die to myself, die to my visions, die to the wants and
demands of even family and friends...& simply follow Christ.

I ask that you could pray for me in this season that God would
give me faith and wisdom to navigate through this storm of life.
It's so easy to go the easy path, but somehow I know that I know
I must choose the straight and narrow... this is what I read in
my devotional this morning...

"He (Jesus) said to another man, "Follow me."But the man replied, "Lord I must first go and bury my father."Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God." Still another said,"I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family.' Jesus replied, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."

He told them, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field. GO! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves." Matthew 9:59-62, 10:2-3

Amen...I am only reminded of this song at this moment in my life...

I have decided to follow Jesus
No turning back, no turning back

Though none go with me
I still will follow
No turning back, no turning back

God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him.
Lord be thou my vision and be my only satisfaction.

Trusting You all the way...for Your love is infinitely faithful.