Thursday, May 29, 2003

breathe in jaeson..breathe out...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! :O(
okay, so i bombed yet another midterm. the worst thing on earth is when you bubble
in an answer and then you reanalyze it...and reanalyze it..and then you doubt your first then you change it ..thinking you have made an educated guess..only to find
out after the test when you open up your book..YOUR FIRST ANSWER WAS THE RIGHT ONE!!!!
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...........arrrrrrrrrrrr.............grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr..............arrrrrrrrrrrrrr..........i've been
studying like a mad man for 2 weeks straight..i thot i knew it inside out....but hey..watever..
i just had to let a lil frustration and agression i feel better..its only a midterm..
its not life or death...i'm not dying...tomorrow will be another day....grades aren't everything...
and hey ya never know ..i thot i bombed my last pscyh midterm..but i got a "B" not bad :OD

too much going on man...gotta slow down...i feel too old for my age..GOd give me the grace
to not give up be who You have created me to be & to enjoy it...i really need your grace
right now.

Sunday, May 25, 2003

"This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you."
"Greater love have no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends."
John 15:12-13

I'm sitting here at my work desk typing because I experienced the glory of God
tonight. Who would of thought a little Bible study meeting with only a hand full
of people would turn into a glorious experience of God's presence? I am in awe
right now of His majesty, His holiness, and His love for the lost and broken hearted.

Tonight I realized how much I lack in the love of God. I cried like a little baby tonight,
I don't think I've sobbed like this since I was maybe in grade school, but something
happened tonight, something more than words can explain.

We had met for our leadership meeting at 5pm, everyone came late so we ended up
skipping the planned meeting and we just prayed for the night. God continues to
show me how prayer must come before planning. We must pray in order to have our hearts
aligned with God's or else our human efforts become only human efforts. The meeting
finished with only 15 minutes to prepare for the Bible study.

There in that little room in the back of the office we prepared snacks, Sean got ready
for worship and by chance Sam brought his violin and Aaron said he would play the
drums if needed. A few of my seeking friends came and some others also. It was maybe
only 25 of us in the room, but love was already beginning to fill the air. As Sean began to
lead worship, oh my goodness....the worship was BEAUTIFUL. It had to be God because
they had not even practiced or ever even played with Sam or Aaron. It was beautiful worship.

I read Acts 2:42 "And they continued steadfastly in the apostles doctrine and fellowship, in
the breaking of bread and prayers. Then fear came upon every soul, and many wonders
and signs were done through the apostles. Now all who believed were together and had
all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods and divided them among all,
as anyone had need. So continuingg daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking
bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart.
Praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to the church
daily those who were being saved."

I never thought the above passage was a prophetic word for what we experienced tonight.
A homeless man named "Joe" was invited off the street corner to join our bible study.
As we split off into small groups for guys and girls Joe joined us guys. We began to discuss
our experiences with religion and God. Some shared how they viewed religion and church
as legalistic, unloving and impersonal. We then began to study John 15:12-13 and asked
a few questions that changed the entire night. "In what way has Jesus loved us?" ...
"Who would you lay your life down for and why?" As people began to share one by one
how Jesus has loved them, suddenly Joe spoke up. I can't quite remember what happened
but Joe said something like, "Jesus loved us cause we crucified Him" ..."we crucified
the heck out of was our sin that crucified him to that cross!"

We were all silent and in awe of the striking words that came out of Joe. He then began to
share how he layed down his life for his friends and fellow souldiers in the Korean War.
He began to weep and he got up and left the room weeping. I don't know what happened,
but even as i think about it again, my eyes are beginning to tear. This man knew Jesus,
he probably knew Jesus more than any Christian in that room. He has suffered, he
has been mistreated and he has truly nothing. Nothing but Jesus.

Not knowing what to do we began to pray for Joe. We were suppose to end praying for
one another, but how can we pray for ourselves, when we see someone suffering like Joe?
What are my problems compared to his? I bicker over insignificant things, complain to God
about the smallest mishaps and here is a man "with nothing" ..he has no food, no money,
no place to lay his head and at that moment my heart was humbled.

I don't know what it means to love. All of us in that circle began to repent to God for our lack
of love for the broken and down trodden. I began to cry profusely to the point I couldn't
control it and I don't even know why? I then began to understand the breaking heart of
God for the lost and broken hearted, for the homeless and needy, the poor and afflicted.
The compassion of Jesus I realized was constant. Jesus' heart breaks continually,
moment after moment, second after second for those who are rejected by society.
And there I was afraid to even hug the man because I was afraid to get dirty? How
wretched am I? In my sinful nature I have no capacity to grapple what it means to
truly love. Father have mercy on my lack of love for those you weep over.

One by one, everyone man in that circle began to weep. We began to empty out our
wallets by giving away all our money to Joe. It was a beautiful moment. This is what
Jesus died for. He didn't die for us to have good services and nice music, He died
that the Church might love the lost. He commanded us to love others the same way
He loved us. He died for you, me, us...and we are struggling to even love a homeless
person by giving him a dollar?

God came down tonight. We layed hands on Joe and cast out the demons that haunted
him. We hugged him, we held him, we repented before him and honored him for his
work as a hero for our country. It was God showing us tonight its not about me, its about
them. Its about reaching out to those who don't have anything, who have no one to love

Who would have known the girls in the other room were being also touched by God
in a powerful way. Down in the hall they were laying hands praying for a sister in distress.
The glory of God was in the office tonight and we didn't know what to do with it. So I
said, "lets just close with a worship song." Well, that worship song turned into a
sponatneous time of worship, repentance and thanks to God. They are still worshipping
in the hall as I speak. God's pleasure takes over us when we love one another. When
we truly forget about ourselves and give ourselves to the needs of others. I don't even
think I touched upon even a centimeter of God's heart for the hurting and broken tonight.
How wretched I am, but His amazing grace still loves me in my imperfect condition.

There is nothing i can do to make Him love me more or love me less. We experienced
Church tonight. Not a program, but people loving God and loving one another. I
think I could live with Church if it was more like tonight~just loving one another.

As I was kneeling on the floor with the eyes of my heart staring towards heaven, I knew
God was asking me to give up the thing I cherish the most. it's so hard when you love
this thing soooo much and you want to hold onto it so bad, but God says, "Do you love me?"
"Please Jaeson, trust that Daddy knows best and give it to me." My favorite analogy
of surrender is this story of a little girl who would not give up her fake pearl necklace
when her Daddy asked for it. Finally, after her father repeatedly asked her twice,
on the third night she reluctantly gave it to her Father, trusting that He knew best.
When she finally did, the Father took her fake pearl necklace and exchanged it with
a "real pearl necklace" to her surprise.

God doesn't want to harm my future, He only wants the best. Why do i have such
a hard time believing it? I want to hold on so tightly to those things I desire, because
I don't want to lose it. But it is only those who lose their lives that will actually gain it.
So why am I struggling with giving up this little thing God is requesting from me,
when compared with the problems of Joe, it is merely insignificant?

I gave it up to God tonight, I don't know how it will play out. I'm leaving my future
hopes, wishes and desires into God's hands. They are not mine to determine.
I must destory every idol in my heart that would compete against the throne
of God's Lordship. Jesus again I pray, please, help me make You my only
satisfaction. It breaks my heart and I want to cry when I even think about losing
the thing I love so dearly, but if this is what You are calling me to give up, then
I must obey and trust that You know what You are doing. Daddy knows best,
and I must have faith that He does.

This pearl isn't mine, this pearl is yours~so Lord I entrust this pearl to you.
I love this pearl so much, but you love her more, I must go on into maturity
and seek You above all else, trusting You to take care of that which I am not
able to love with perfection. My heart breaks, but I pray Your grace to be
sufficient as I give to You this pearl of mine, in exchange for the pearl
of Christ. I have a long way to go in this journey. Mold me, break me,
conform me into Your image that I may become whole, without blemish,
and able to love this pearl as You have loved me.

One day, I pray I will be able to look back and know I made the right
decision. To love as You have loved me, every person you have
brought into my life, that I had loved them as You have loved me.
Lord tonight that is my prayer....amen. eyes are on You.

Friday, May 23, 2003

this last week has been quite a learning experience...

"seek ye first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you."

So I get a phone call from a casting agency last thursday that a national commercial
i had auditioned for potentially wanted to fly me out to LA this past Tuesday for
a call back. If i landed this commercial i would pretty much be financially set. The problem
was, 3 months ago I scheduled myself to speak at Roger Middle School's bible club
with Youth for Christ. I had postponed on them twice and told them I would be able
to do it for sure this past Tuesday, but now i was thinking about cancelling.

Well, what do you choose when you have the potential to land a $50,000 TV commercial
or potentially save souls for eternity. I felt like Jesus being taken up to the pinnacle
being tempted by satan. I called my mentors, even the director of YFC and they all said
it would be okay if I cancelled on the speaking engagement as long as someone covered,
cause it's not everday you get a chance to be in a national commercial. Well, I took the
advice and decided i would probably go for the commercial and cancel on speaking, but
i left it in God's hands.

Monday, I get a call from my agent and he tells me Jaeson they will not be flying you out
to LA for the commercial. So by God's sovereignty I went to speak at Rogers middle.
It turns out the entire club of about 25-30 teens were all non-Christian. The campus leader
told me this has been the hardest club she's ever had and many times they have had
the opportunity to receive Christ, but would not respond. Yet, they kept coming back to
Bible club?

Even though i was a bit dissapointed about the tv commercial opportunity, I put it behind
me and prayed God would let Tuesday be the day of salvation for these jr high kids.
I went into the class room, told my testimony, shared the Gospel and challenged the kids
to stand up and give their life to Jesus....25 stood up! Good think if I had gone
to LA for the commercial shoot, 25 souls may not have been saved from the fires of hell.
how foolish it was for me to think about my own benefits, above the eternal benefits
of ones salvation. The Lord humbled me Tuesday by showing me the importance of
ones integrity to the Gospel message. If I do God's business, He will handle my business.
Lord have mercy on my selfishness and kill any ungodly motivation or desire. May I live
a life of integrity, obedience and honor to your written Word.

On a side note, amidst all the studying, essays, and new school projects that have
been making me go crazy...I was able to attend the G12 conference at Jubilee
this week. Truly, God is confirming a new sovereign move of His spirit all over
this earth. It can not be by coincidence that the Lord has laid upon my heart to
start a new church in a small group paradigm. All over the world cell churches
are thriving in Columbia, Korea, Africa, Argentina, India...did you know
evangelist Reinhard Bonke has led over 8 million to Christ in the last 6 months
in Africa? Did you know over 30,000 new converts are being baptized in
in icy cold rivers in China daily? Did you know world wide over 1 million new
Christians are coming to faith each week? Did you know all this is happening
and none of this is being accredited to a super gifted Pastor, or a fancy church
with cool programs and awesome power point? The end time harvest is
happening all over the world, the final hour is close at hand and where are we
in America? We are still stuck in entertaining christians sitting in pews every
Sunday, planning our next program, etc etc..the state of the American church
reminds me more of "movie theaters" rather than NEW TESTAMENT Pentecost.

I'm tired of entertainment. Jesus called us to make disciples and that is what
I am determined to do. About a month ago i prayed to God in this journal He
would raise up a revolutionary army of believers who would not be afraid to
even go to "the death" in following Christ to come along side me. Within only
4 weeks i have met more on fire young people than i have in my entire 4 year
tenure of ministry here in silicon valley. thank you Jesus...thank you for those
who have an ear to hear and are willing to pay the price of the Cross. God didn't
call the church to make programs, He called us to make disciples. And unless
you hate your own mother and father, take up the cross and deny yourself, you
can not be a disciple of Jesus. He is Lord of all or none at all.

I have been quite encouraged these last few days. Finally, I am beginning to
understand the Government of 12. Which is truly the "Jesus Model" ...if you
there is a book you must read apart from the Bible it is Robert Colemans
"master plan of evangelsim." You see, Jesus' master plan to evangelize
the world was depedant on 12 disciples. He didn't spend most of His time
on TV or doing crusades, He gave his life to 12 and in turn those 12 gave
their lives into others who eventually impacted the entire world with what
we call today-Christianity.

My prayer Lord is that You would give me 12. give me 12 men who
will be able to make 12 disciples who in turn will make another 12.
Give me men who know nothing else but Jesus Christ and Him crucified
and may they be ones who are so in Love with You they will die for you
and even lay down their life for their friends.
Give to Laura and Aime 12 women who will have the same fiery passion
and dedicated focus to evangelize the world. Teach me Your ways, I am only
a child in the faith, but give me wisdom beyond even the sages and supernaturally
release to me the gift of faith to dream the DREAMS of God to bring the youth of the nations to Christ!

In Jesus name amen.

its on........

Monday, May 19, 2003

cough..cough...sniffle..sniffle...itchy..itchy...dizzy...ok so i think i'm going
to get some non drousy allergy medicine tomorrow. :OP

make sure to wash your hands at least 10 times a day, don't TOUCH yur face
and change your pillow case. this will keep you from getting SICK like me.

interesting...didn't know another article in the san jose merc came out on universoul,
this could be prophetic. i think what happened two sundays ago was more than
an event, it was the beginning of a "movement." ENGAGE culture.

random thot..what if the next universoul God provided a line up of bands like...
P.O.D, Linkin Park, KRSONE, Good Charlotte, MXPX, Nas, Creed, Life House, MOS DEF
4thAVE Jones, Switchfoot, BBOYS, DJ Rocky Rock~ a massive MTV style festival..but w/ it
REAL TESTIMONIES of young people who have found Jesus? It would be revolutionary,
it would be explosive, at the end of the day it would be ALL LOVE!!! hey, with God-all things
are possible. word.

check the link below...

ok..back to studying ;oP

Saturday, May 17, 2003

Monki boi says….

o 0_O o
( ___ )

1. Too much stuuuudying for Jaeson dis week! (monki brain gone coo coo)
2. Lakers lost =o( its all on mike bibby baby!
3. Pray 4 Soul House dis Sunday night (whoa!)
4. Thankful for my new radical friends...sean, ashley & john, aimee, tim, kevin, josh, guy, aaron, laura~ da army keeps building
5. can't say now but some SUPER big things coming up for me! Please pray the Lord will guide me
especially this coming Tuesday to walk in His perfect will & to hold fast to my integrity no matter what. woohooo!
6. seriously need new time managment strategy for all this "newness" in life
7. i'm addicted to "jamba juice" ~soy drinks :OD
8. got to see Matrix 2 w/ eileen n' gang. (honestly~a bit disappointed~unecessary make out scenes~corny etc.)
9. allergies .... gotta keep packn opc, noni juice, vitamin c, multivitamins, moms herbal drinks (yuuuuk)

well...dunno why i feel so excited. no matter what happens I have to make God my great reward, but at the same
time, man, i just feel like anything can happen today. and that gets me soooo excited! with God everyday is
a new adventure waiting to be explored, sometimes i feel like a little indiana jones hehe.....well lets see what
God does next!!! in the mean time.......i'm just going to enjoy today! :OD

Thursday, May 15, 2003

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man,
I put away childish things." 1 Corinthians 13:11

I don't know exactly what has been going on in my heart these last few days, but I do feel like I'm on the dawn
of a new beginning. It's hard to explain, but I'm realizing God is truly on my side. I guess it's kind of like this
old classic musical I watched last weekend called "The King and I" ..Here is this king who was trying so hard
to prove himself and his kingdom to be scientific etc etc etc. He hires an english teacher to teach his children
western culture and ends up learning from this "Miss Anna" how to be a caring human. The King is stubborn, irrational,
and proud~ the exact opposite of caring. Yet, in his heart he is truly trying his best to liken himself to the ways of
Miss Anna. In the end, he still comes up short from being perfect. But I think the moral behind the story is he did
attain perfection because "he tried his best."

I guess I find myself in the same boat. I have alot of hang ups, fears and insecurities, but that's OK. Why? Because
I'm beginning to accept the reality of my heart condition. I am truly trying my best to do all I that I can to be a man of
honor, a man of integrity, a man of God. Even if I never get there, at least I died trying. I think of King David and how
he struck out plenty of times, yet God still called him a "man after my own heart." It's good to know God judges me
by the motivation of my heart and not as much my actions.

It's ok to be not ok because God is OK. I need to learn to be OK with
myself even when I'm not perfect.

So what I think I am starting to understand is that I don't need to be afraid of my past. I don't need to be afraid
of becoming like my father because these are all lies from the enemy. It's like how in Matrix 2 your
future is not decided by prophecy, but its decided by your "choice." Prophecy is simply to help you undestand
the choice you have already predetermined in your heart to make. I can choose life or I can choose death.
No one can force me to become like my father, only myself~and I choose not to. Don't get me wrong, there
are many great things about my Dad I acknowledge and embrace. But, there are certain things not God
honoring that I choose not to follow.

Fear is never of God and this is something I must constantly remind myself of. Anytime you feel the fear
of rejection from family, friends, loved ones ~ know its of the enemy. Always think the best of others and always
think that others are thinking the best towards you. I know this is hypothetical, but isn't this what "love" is all
about? It counts no wrongs, it always hopes, it desires the best, it forgives and forgets? GOD LOVES ME!
ALL THE TIME! No matter what the world thinks, this one Truth remains constant.

I will make it I say! I don't know how, but God will see me through. The battle before me now is to be honest,
truthful and myself in all my relationships. This is the hardest thing sometimes, especially when you care
so much about what others think of you, because you genuinely care so much about them.
That is why I told my friend the other night, "You will think no higher of yourself than what the most important
person in your life thinks about you." As long as God is not the most important person in my life I will always
be subject to the liking and disliking of others. This can be dangerous because even the person you value the
most may not always love you the way you want them to. It is absolutely everything to know that you are God's beloved,
the one in whom He is well pleased.

Another thing I am learning~let go. In order to truly love you must let the one you love into the hands of God.
Love is free from control and always desires the best for the other, while expecting nothing in return. God's
love is the same. He loves us freely, continually, unconditionally, the same yesterday as He did today and as
He will tomorrow. Love is kind, it is gentle and it is free. It doesn't force itself on others, but it lets others be.

So again, I feel like a new dawn is beginning. I woke up this morning ready to enjoy the day. I left my fears
in the hands of Jesus and I gave Him all my wishes. I trust He knows what is best for me, that is why I give
Him my wishes, aspirations and dreams. There is no point in trying to manipulate your future when all
you have to do-is trust God that His will, will happen. That is faith. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying. I'm not
perfect, but I'll die trying. Be perfect as I am perfect, Be Holy as I am Holy. For it is not by might, nor by
power but by My Spirit.

In this life, you do all you can and you leave all that you can't up to God. How grateful I am for the friendship
of God and the friendship of friends. Beyond all the ministry and the mountains to be conquered, how
meaningless this life would be if I had no friends to conquer these mountains with? Life is not meant to be
lived half-hearted and life is not meant to be lived without friends. May my pride come down and the castles
of all my accomplishments crumble. Life is more than building cities and great castles, it was meant to
be lived out in love. This is something I am starting to understand~I pray Lord you will give me more time to
not only understand it, but to truly live it. Teach me how to be human like Christ. Help me not to waste one
friend nor companion. Only You Lord, only You truly know my heart.

in giving my best
I am satisfied.

U2~ in the name of love, one Man in
the name of love.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003


Monday, May 12, 2003

well with universoul over what is on Jaeson's mind?

1. oh my goodness a church plant?
2. matrix 2
3. developmental psychology
4. managment information systems
5. another midterm
6. read read read~study study study~catch up
7. ice cream
8. healing house (hopefully i can go there soon)
9. little chris, little ryan and little john john
10. making some new rap songs (maybe)
11. telling everyone who helped w/ universoul thankQ!
12. read book: enjoying God
13. more ice cream
14. need to exercise
15. spend time with friends n' practice my listening skillz :OP
16. decide on summer speakn engagements soon

Well, praise God ~ even with this slight fever and loss of voice
i don't really feel burned out. I don't really have a clue where
i go from here, but as I talked with a friend today~i have to just
do and enjoy what is before me. So right now that is tons of
chapters i haven't read for PSYCH and tons of chapters and essays
I haven't read for my Business course! i really plan this summer to
really spend some quality time with friends i haven't been able
to really hang with~to truly just enjoy being in their presence and
cherishing their friendship. I've been so busy with everything i feel bad
for not keeping in touch with so many of you out there. i'm such a
scrooge. but yeah, i'm excited about the next months because i feel
like God is going to really let me do some "fun" things. Don't worry
i'm still radical~crazy~militant~warrior as much as i can be, but I guess
i'm realizing there is a part of me that is just plain old "goofy" and pretty
"dorky" ....jaeson ma still needs to have fun sometimes. I know i'm not
good at it ~ but eddie dobson i'm going to work on it! Eccles says
there is a time for for me that means there is a "time for war"
and there is also a "time for fun" ..... I'll pray for 5 hours and play for 5 hours
woohoooooo! okay..i don't think i'm making sense anymore. sleepy time. ;oD

below is an update on universoul on sunday...
it was what it was...we did our best...and God
did the rest. Thanks guys for all the support n' help!!!

To my fellow souldiers in Christ,

How grateful I am for each of your prayers for yesterdays Universoul outreach.
I am so in AWE of what God did and how He chose to do it yesterday. All I can
say, is God came through again at the last minute by showing us again~its not what
we can do, but only what He can do through us.

At the outset I was quite discouraged. From 11am-3pm or so there was barely anyone
at the festival. In my heart I had done my best to prepare myself for this let down by
reminding myself whatever the outcome I am still God's beloved. It was tough to do so.
By midday I was already burnt out and wanting the event to end. I was at the end of my rope
when I finally decided this isn't my event, its God's. I chose to praise Him no matter what and
relinquish my control over it to Him. This is when the miracles began to happen.

Around 3:30pm or so more people started trickling into the event. It kept getting more and more.
I randomly told Erica to share her testimony ahead of schedule and as she began to share her
testimony on stage of how she almost died at a rave through GHB poisoning she began to weep~and
that's when the Spirit of God fell. Again probably 90% of the crowd were not Christ followers, but they
began to clap for her. I felt led to ask Erica to sing "I could sing of your love forever" and as she
did I could feel the presence of God just descend upon the entire outdoor field. At this moment
the dynamic of the event changed. It changed from what we wanted to happen to what God
wanted to happen.

At 4pm I get a phone call that KRSONE our main headliner whom everyone came out to see was stuck
in traffic, took the wrong freeway and at least 3 hours away from the event. He was slated to perform at 6pm. By now, I had really given up on the event and was truly just asking God's will to be done.
The san jose state authorities told me to just cancel KRS, tell the crowd the bad news and get our
deposit back. After some thought, I decided if he doesn't get here by 7pm we'll cancel the performance, \
but if he does come, then on with the show. Whatever the case, I had given up my plans
by now and was trying to discern what God was doing in the mist of all the chaos.

The next band after Erica spoke was 4th Ave Jones. Oh my GOODNESS! They came out with a
live hip rock soul band and by now there was a sea of people all over the festival. Crowds started
gathering to the front of the stage and the SHOW WAS OFF DA HOOK! After they performed,
there was a sense of anticipation I sensed in the crowd and with the possibility of KRSONE not
performing I said to myself, "Alright forget the seeker friendly strategy I'm just going to share my
heart, my full testimony and give an inviation to commit to Christ." Crazy!

I don't know what happened but I gave my full blown testimony, preached Chirst and asked the crowd
to respond with repentance and faith. I couldn't believe my eyes, the crowd listened the whole time
and as I challenged them to follow Christ by raising their hands~hands everywhere shot up in the air!
We prayed the prayer of salvation and the Holy Spirit led me to pray for deliverance from addictions,
depression and bondage. The Spirit of God was so present I just asked, "Who here seriously just
felt the love of God touch you?" Again hands everywhere shot up in the air~it was a holy moment.

Is God insanse or what? He always does the unexpected and what we plan I find seldom is what He
has planned. We explained to the crowd we would be starting a young adult church ministry
at sjsu the following sunday and directed them to prayer counselors. From there God took over UNIVERSOUL. As I get off the stage I find out KRSONE would make it to the event by 6:30pm!!!

It was like pandomonium when KRS arrived! The crowds started hanging in trees
and it was sooo awesome to see mothers and lil' children on the backs of their dads throwing their
hands in the air and waving them all around like ya just don't care! KRS taught the crowds Hip Hop
is about peace, love, unity and having fun. This is the exact opposite of what commercial hip hop
music communicates today. I can't even begin to tell you what happened after the show when
I personally got to talk to KRS about His faith and what it truly means to be a Christian.
hehe..check out the universoul documentary. :OP

All I can is PRAISE GOD! PRAISE GOD! PRAISE GOD! Yesterday, we saw the future army of the
living God. It was a band of revolutionaries who were not afraid to raise their hands and stand
for Christ at a Hip Hop rave festival. Crazy. To think most of the crowd were not Christ followers
yet all they needed was to see other young people who had a fire for God. Thank you Tamika,
Quoc, Courtney, Adam, Teen Challenge, Erik, Josh all for sharing your passion for God on stage.
We will never truly know the ramifications of the seeds planted yesterday. Lives were changed
for the glory of God and HE DESERVES ALL THE PRAISE!!! HALELUJAH!

There is a revolution coming~the fires are beginning to burn. We must continue to fan the flames
with our prayers and be open to do whatever our master tells us to do. Obedience is the key
to success and I believe all of us were obedient to God together on this one. His ways are not
our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. Destinies were released yesterday and visions
were given to young men and women. God is doing something new in our day, do we not yet
perceive it? I thank God all of you do or you wouldn't have been praying!

Please continue to pray as we start the "Soul House" this coming Sunday that many who
received flyers yesterday will come this sunday night to be equipped, trained and brought
to perfection in the Lord. Included is the flyer or you can right click download it at

Praise God for my MOMMY! I woke up with a fever this morning and I lost my voice. But, my
mom gave me all these weird tasting chinese herbal drinks and I fell back asleep till noon. I woke
up and the fever is mostly gone and I'm getting my voice back. Praise God for moms! All I have
to do now is catch up on 2 weeks of missed homework and studying and a new full load
of courses.................ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! We can do all things through Christ Jesus who
strengthens us!

To all who volunteered with UNIVERSOUL -----BIG FAT THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU !!!!!!!!
I wish I could thank each one of you with a hug and a HI 5!!!!! YOU GUYS ROCK! GOD ROCKS!

Full of Joy,

And He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature." Mark 16:15
(KRSONE gave me this verse and explained it~this is what it means to be a Christ-ian..crazy i'll
explain at another time)

ps...who is the awesome person who bought me a "pearl tea" from tapioca express
while i was on stage...YOU TOTALLY SAVED MY DAY! THANKQ~~!!!

Thursday, May 08, 2003

verses to hold in my heart.......

God will finish what He has started, always.

The Lord will perfect that which concerns me (Psalm 138:8)

perfect: (gamar) to end, finish, accomplish, perfect, to come to
an end, cease; to perform, fulfill. It refers to the completing, finishing, and
perfecting of God's work in ones life (Ps 57:2) The idea is that God begins
to work out His purposes in the life of His servant and continues His work
until it is absolutely and completely done. completely.

Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in
you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6)

Regarding fear....

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves
torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. (1 John 4:18)

For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received
the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, "Abba, Father." (Romans 8:15)

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers,
they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not
be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. (Isaiah 43:2)

You are My servant, I have chosen you and have not cast you away:
Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, Yes I will help you, I will uphold you with
My righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:9-10)

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of
a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)

The Lord is my light and my salvation; who shall I fear? The Lord is the
strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? no one. (Psalm 27:1)

In the day of battle....

Those who war against you Shall be as nothing, as a non existent thing.
For I the Lord your God will hold your right hand, Saying to you,
'Fear not, I will help you." (Isaiah 41:12-13)

"Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which He
will acomplish for you today. For the Egyptians (bondages) whom you
see today, you shall see again no more forever. "The Lord will fight for you
and you shall hold your peace." (Exodus 14:13-14)

Five of you shall chase a hundred, and a hundred of you shall put ten
thousand to flight; your enemies shall fall by the sword before you. (Lev 26:8)

"You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and
see the salvation of the Lord, who is with you, O Judah and Jerusalem!
Do not fear, do not be dismayed; tomorrow go out against them, for the Lord
is with you." (2 Chronicles 20:17)

"Then all this assembly shall know that the Lord does not save with sword
and spear; for the battle is the Lord's" (1 Samuel 17:47)

Thus says the Lord to you: 'Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this
great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God's. (2 Chronicles 20:15)

"No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises
against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the
servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me," says the Lord (Isa 54:17)

"scripture..the breakfast of Champions!"
" does the body good"

Saturday, May 03, 2003

gosh..someone reminded me last night it's already been one year since i preached this
sermon title "beautiful letdown" a year ago at a retreat. Well, here i am 1 year later still trying to grasp this songs
meaning in my life. This week there will be indeed many challenges, frustrations and many very
possible "let downs" with universoul. the challenge will be reminding myself ....that in this finite world i have
to keep my focus on the Infinite God. It is He who calls me beloved not for what I do or whether circumstances
in my life measure up to what I expect- because these things should never determine my worth anyway.
So whether 5 or 5,000 people show up to universoul on may doesn't matter. What matters
is I know that He loves me and i love Him..that is success. And that i do the perfect will of the Father.

But to actually have my being rooted in this identity is the crucial fight.
Day by day I must believe I am known by God- to actually believe this and make this the only thing
that really matters. Whether I succeed or fail is not the question, but whether I know that I am loved and
adored by a beautiful Savior. let these let downs all lead me to the road of healing and wholeness. Lord lead
me by your grace into this journey to find my satisfaction in You and You alone.

As the future seems bleak and all odds seem to be against me..I choose to praise You.
whatever happens, happens. I don't belong here anywayz........ ><>


Song: The Beautiful Letdown

It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone, unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew,
That all the riches this world had to offer me will never do.

In a world full of bitter pain,
and bitter doubts,
I was trying so hard to fit in,
Fit in, until I found out

I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don't belong
I don't belong

It was a beautiful letdown
When you found me here
Yeah, for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful letdown
That's what I'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free

We're still chasing our tails
In the rising sun
In our dark water planet still spinning
In a direction no one wins
No one's won.

See, I don't belong here (I don't belong)
Well, I don't belong here, I don't belong
I will carry a cross
With a song where I don't belong
I don't belong
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
No, I don't belong here, I don't belong
I'm gonna set side
And set sail
For the kingdom come, kingdom come
Your kingdom come
Won't you let me down, yeah
Let my foolish pride forever let me down

Ah, Easy living, you're not much like the name
Easy dying, you look just about the same
Would you please take me off your list
Easy living please c'mon and let me down

We are a beautiful letdown
Painfully uncool
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures, and the fools
What a beautiful letdown
Are we salt in the wound
Hey, let us sing one true tune

I don't belong here (I don't belong)
It feels like I don't belong here, yeah
It goes like I don't belong here
I don't belong (I don't belong)
Won't you let me down (I don't belong)
C'mon and let me down (I don't belong)
You always let me down (I don't belong)
So glad that I'm let down (I don't belong)
C'mon and let me down (I don't belong)
Cuz I don't belong here
Won't you let me down!

Friday, May 02, 2003

so i think i booooooombed my midterm. DONT WORRY BE HAPPY JAESON :OD
neurons..axons..dendrites...psychoanalytic..pscyhosocial..cognitive brain patterns..
operant conditioning...blah blah blah...actually this stuff is really interesting. i'm learning
about the development of i am finally beginning to understand after observing
lil 1-2 year olds at my house for over 10 years why they do the things they do ;oP

next thing..don't go on a food fast and then try to fit on GAP jeans...ha! i could barely fit
the jeans..i'm pretty sure i didn't get the audition. np..there will be others.

later i will give a report of the latest prayer revivals from different campuses...just got a call
from another bro at UCDAVIS...crazy! wed night at SJSU ...crazy! last wed with STANFORD..
crazy! I think God is about to release some "CRAZYNESS" upon the campuses of California
very soon. the new wine is coming and God is raising up a new army to take it in. i gotta
fight to stay in the place of intimacy for "intimacy is the birthplace of miracles" You want
POWER with God? Then seek and find Him in the secret place. "Call to me and I will
answer you and show you great and unsearchable things which you do not know of" Jeremiah 33:3
Father keep me in a place where You can use me. Keep me in a place of death and humility. Search my
heart and every intention that I may be pure before You and honorable before all men. Don't
let me do anything out of Your will. May I only do what I see the Father doing. And yes Father,
empower me through the Holy Spirit to do all You are calling me to do. Protect me from the
evil one and guard my heart above all else. In Jesus name. amen