Wednesday, April 30, 2003

in the middle of all this busyness..i get a call for a GAP audtion ;oP
woohoo..tomorrow morning at 9am in SF..i have to try on 32' -32' pants..
darn but i'm a 32' should be fun..who knows :OD thanks for
the prayers everyBUDDY!!!!

don't worry be happy :OD

"rejoice in the Lord always and again i say rejoice!"

Tuesday, April 29, 2003

the ben n' jerry temptation....

so i started a liquid fast 3 days ago to get my life back in order. i've been drinking ensure, jamba juice and soy milk. :OP
so here i was today leaving a four hour meeting at San Jose State University. I was tired, hungry a little stressed (not too much)
and as I walk outside I see students everywhere with "ice cream cones" (i thot.. this is odd?) then it dawned on me "it free cone day
at Ben n' Jerrys" gooooood God!!! I realized i was only about 300 feet from B&J's across the street. How can you refuse free ice cream?
My spirit was saying "no" but my flesh was saying "ice cream" ...i ran across the street, got in line and as i waited for over 15 minutes debating on whether or not i should get a scoop of "chunky monkey" ...i couldn't resist the temptation.

I got a FAT scoop of "chunky monkey"

Then my friend erica from church walks into the store and sees me. As I'm convicted by her Chrsitian presence I confess to her my dilemma. So there i was standing in front of Ben and Jerry's with an ice cream cone in my hand (it looked soooooo dang good). I debated with myself for the next 7 minutes on whether i should eat it or give it away. i ended up flipping a coin...then i ended up playing rock, paper, scissors with
erica..if i won i could eat if i lost i couldn't. I won! but i knew better than to find God's will through rock paper scissor :OP finally...i couldn't
take it anymore..i put my "uneaten" chunky monkey ice cream cone in ericas hand and RAN FOR THE BORDER!!!! i actually ran across the
street..didn't look back..straight into the parking in my car ..and now i'm back in my office :OD phheeewww... resist the devil and he will flee from you James 4:7. I'm not sayn the devil is ice cream, but it feels good to know I BEAT MY FLESH just a lil bit today. but even if i did eat the cone i think God would have just laughed and still blessed me. watever..this ensure and soymilk isn't too bad. oh and week so far has been alot better than my "crash and burn" this weekend.

Relax, God's got it under control.


Monday, April 28, 2003

one of my favorite stories... watever happens these next 20 let it be..i'll take it w/ a "smile" ;oD

the giving tree
by shel silverstein


There was once a great apple tree and a little boy. They would spend hours and hours together. The boy would play in the tree's branches, sleep at her roots and eat of her apples. And the tree loved the boy.

One day, the boy came to the tree. The tree was delighted and beckoned, "Come and play!" But the boy was no longer a boy; he was now a young man, and he was interested in making a living, but he didn't know how.

"Here," the tree said, "take my apples and sell them." The young man did just that, and the tree was happy.

Years passed, and the tree was lonely without the young man. One day, he returned, and the tree was delighted, but he was now interested in settling down. He wanted to build a house.

"Here," the tree said, "Cut off my branches and build your house." The young man did just that, and the tree was happy.

Years passed, and the tree still missed her friend. One day, the man returned, and the tree was again overjoyed. But the man was now older and tired of life; he wanted to get away from it all.

"Here," the tree offered, "Cut me down. Make for yourself a boat, and sail the world in it." The man did just that, and the tree was happy.

Many years passed, seasons came and went, and the tree was very lonely. She missed her friend, and she often thought about the old days, when they had such fun. Finally, she saw her friend coming over the hill, and she was delighted.

But the boy was now an old man, no longer able to play or make money or to sail away. And he was tired.

"Here, my friend," the tree said, "I still have a pretty good stump left. Won't you sit and rest?" The old man did that, and the tree was happy.

Saturday, April 26, 2003

ohyea..i forgot to mention i met this guy "sean larson" yesterday...HE IS ON FIRE...he's my age..n' yes
thank you Lord for sending me a fellow souldier to do battle with! :OD woohooooo!

sooooooooooo the last few nights or last 4 days i have been coming home telling my mom "i think i'm going insane"
i've been telling my assistant michiko "i think i'm crazy" (she nods and agrees) :OP So Jaeson Ma must be losing
his noodles when he starts talking to himself about how NUTZ he must be. I just call it "too much too soon." You ever
have too much on your plate at once? I have- much too often. Try producing a major event in less than 14 days (where every
thing that could go wrong is going wrong) on top of that try thinking about building a team from scratch to start a possible
church in 21 days..on top of that i have a midterm coming up for my developmental pscyhchology class (still have hundreds of pages to study)
and of course meetings..meetings...and more meetings...everyone wants a piece of your time. Everyone also wants you
to do something. So many expectations, so much pressure, so much to produce, but only so much of Jaeson. =o(

So you have to discern the prophetic leading of God and also the principles of God's Word. Indeed, God does call His children
to do what is seemingly "impossible" or it wouldn't be God right? I feel totally inadequate, unable, not gifted as a leader and I don't
want to even do what I think God is telling me to do. (sounds like moses) But all the signs are pointing to "do something" NOW.
Principle would say, "No Jaeson you're doing too much too soon, if you go at this rate you're going to burn out and potentially
ruin your future..chill bro." Then I'm saying, "I just want to do God's will." (in the last 4 days i've literally wanted to give up, throw in
the towel and just shut down completely) I'm tired. sorry but its the honest truth. i'm not a super christian.

This morning I had another one of those "its a wonderful life" rude awakenings. For 5 days I've been calling this friend who promised
to print 50,000 flyers for the UNIVERSOUL event to send the remaining 40,000 to me. I couldn't get a hold of him day after day so I thought
he was trying to avoid giving me the rest of the flyers. I was totally stressing out and frustrated. Finally this morning I call him again and
he picks up. Turns out, on Sunday his entire family got in a car accident. They are all in critical condition in the hospital. He sounded
so alone and scared while explaining why he couldn't get me the flyers. He's not a church goer type but i asked if i could pray for
him. Reluctantly, he said okay and as I prayed the power of God touched him and he said, "Man seriously i feel like somethings lifted
from know its crazy but i just watched that movie 10 commandments and the Jesus film this past sunday." I began to share
w/ him the unfailing love of Jesus Christ and I could hear a spring of "hope" come back in his voice. I then told him, "dood don't worry
about the flyers thats not important right now." he was relieved and i knew God was touching him w/ His love.

I then began to realize, why am i worrying about these stoopid flyers..when whats really important is this friend experiencing the
love of God? "No one is a failure who has close friends." There is nothing more important than being a light to those whom
God places before you each day to bless. Life is short and what matters most is loving God and loving others.

So yeah, I don't have it all together right now. I still think i'm crazy. I'm fighting false hopes by still trying to hold on to my
broken dreams. I'm fighting this "success syndrome" of success somehow equating with "BIGGER and BETTER"
yet sometimes I think i'm setting myself up for failure with this mind set. So how do i be content with the moment but also have
a healthy view of the future? I'm 22 and I'm in the office first in the morning and I'm the last one to leave at night...not healthy.
When i get home i'm grouchy and my sister thinks i have "pms" but that's impossible because i'm a dood. :OP

at the end of my rope i just cried out to God this morning asking God to speak and to encourage me. He did so
by sending *gifts* in the form of friends. Pastor Bryan, Pastor Keith, and Pastor Robert all came to pray and
listen to my confusion individually. Giving me love and advice like a Dad would give his son. :OD
i feel better now. I don't feel so pressured to "perform" and make something happen.
Maybe I'm not suppose to plant a church. maybe its just suppose to be a simple bible study and we'll see where it goes.
maybe i just need to get to sleep now...sleep till late on saturday...and then sleep some more...and then
find some time to just hang with Jesus with no other purpose than to just hang :OD good times! i love that word. amen. good nite. wait..good morning?

Tuesday, April 22, 2003

last friday i flew down to Burbank LA for a wedding. For some reason i couldn't get a plane ticket to SD airport but God had
a reason why. Friday in LA i had no idea my prayer pastor would be also in Pasadena. I ended up staying with him at the Hilton
hotel. It was during this time Friday i was doubting whether or not God was calling me to help start a young adult apostolic church
planting movement...out of no where before we went to sleep he read this article on "apostolic passion" by Pastor Floyd Mclung
formerly with YWAM international....below is a must read...

Church planting
Apostolic Passion
What is Apostolic Passion?
The term "passion" is used to describe everything from romance to hunger pangs. I don't know what it means to you, but for me passion means whatever a person is willing to suffer for. In fact, that's the root meaning of the word.
It comes from the Latin paserre, to suffer. It is what you hunger for so intensely that you will sacrifice anything to have it. The word "apostle" means a sent one, a messenger. "Apostolic Passion," therefore, is a deliberate, intentional choice to live for the worship of Jesus in the nations. It has to do with being committed to the point of death to spreading His glory.
It's the quality of those who are on fire for Jesus, who dream of the whole earth being covered with the Glory of the Lord.
I know when apostolic passion has died in my heart. It happens when I don't spend my quiet time dreaming of the time when Jesus will be worshipped in languages that aren't yet heard in heaven. I know it's missing from my life when I sing about heaven, but I live as if earth is my home. Apostolic passion is dead in my heart when I dream more about sports, toys, places to go and people to see, than I do about the nations worshipping Jesus.
I have lost it, too, when I make decisions based on the danger involved, not the glory God will get. Those who have apostolic passion are planning to go, but willing to stay. You know you have it when you are deeply disappointed that God has not called you to leave your home and get out among those who have never heard His name. If you will not suffer and sacrifice for something, you are not passionate about it. If you say you will do anything for Jesus, but you don't suffer for Him then you aren't really passionate about Him and His purposes on earth.
If you don't have it, how do you go about getting this thing called apostolic passion? Is it like ordering pizza at the door in 30 minutes or less, guaranteed? Is there an 800 number to call? Or better yet, just send us your special gift of $15 or more, and we'll rush you some passion, express delivery, overnight mail. If you're like me, you need help figuring out how to grow this thing called passion. I am motivated by reading how the apostle Paul got it. He chose it.
Paul says in Romans 15 that it is his ambition, his passion, if you will, to make Christ known. It began for him with a revelation of Jesus that he nurtured all his adult life. Paul not only encountered Christ on the road to Damascus, he kept on meeting Jesus every day. This revelation of Jesus, and his study of God's purposes, gave birth to Paul's apostolic passion. Knowing Jesus and making Him known consumed the rest of Paul's life.
He "gloried in Christ Jesus in his service to God" (Rom 15:17). By comparison, everything else was dung, garbage, stinking refuse. Paul's ambition was born from his understanding that God longed for His Son to be glorified in the nations. It was focused so that the "Gentiles might become an offering acceptable to God, sanctified by the Holy Spirit" (Rom 15:16).
Human enthusiasm cannot sustain apostolic passion. When God invests His own passion in you (the desire to see His name glorified among all people), you must build and develop what God has given you. Four things will help:
1. Apostolic Abandonment
Too many people want the fruit of Paul's ministry without paying the price that Paul paid. He died. He died to everything. He died daily. He was crucified with Christ. This strong-willed, opinionated man knew that he must die to self. He knew that in his flesh, he couldn't generate the revelation of Jesus; he couldn't sustain the heart of Christ. So he died. He abandoned his life. He abandoned himself.
We live in a world of competing passions. If we do not die to self and fill our lives with the consuming passion of the worship of God in the nations, we will end up with other passions. It's possible to deceive ourselves into thinking we have Biblical passions when, in reality, all we have done is baptize the values of our culture and give them Christian names. We will have chosen apostolic passion only when our hearts are filled with God's desire for His Son to be worshipped in the nations.
May I encourage you, dear friend, to give up your life? I challenge you to pray this prayer: "Lord, be ruthless with me in revealing my selfish ambition and my lack of willingness to die to myself." I guarantee that He will quickly answer your prayer.
2. Apostolic Focus
The greatest enemy of the ambition to see Jesus worshipped in the nations is lack of focus. You can run around expending energy on all sorts of good ministries, and not get one step closer to the nations. I don't have anything against all the projects and ministries out there. God's people do them, and I don't question their obedience to God. But the Church has an apostolic calling, an apostolic mission. God has called us to the nations. We must focus, or we won't obey.
Focus on what? I believe God wants a people for Himself. Activity without a desire that God have a people for Himself is just activity not missions. You can have evangelism without missions. Short-term ministries are great, as long as they focus on raising up workers to plant churches. You might say, "I'm not called to plant churches." Yes, you are! It's always the will of God to have a people who worship His Son in the nations. You'll never have to worry about making God mad if you try to plant a church. It seems crazy to me that people are under the delusion they need a special calling to save souls, to disciple them, and to get them together to love Jesus. Whatever ministry you are with, you must understand one thing: church planting is not for us, it's for God. We do it so God will have a people to worship Him!
3. Apostolic Praying
A young man in Bible school offered to help David Wilkerson years ago when he was ministering on the streets of New York City. Wilkerson asked him how much time he spent in prayer. The young student estimated about 20 minutes a day. Wilkerson told him, "Go back, young man. Go back for a month and pray two hours a day, every day for 30 days. When you've done that, come back. Come back, and I might consider turning you loose on the streets where there is murder, rape, violence and danger. If I sent you out now on 20 minutes a day, I'd be sending a soldier into battle without any weapons, and you would get killed."
You can get into heaven, my friend, without a lot of prayer. You can have a one-minute quiet time every day and God will still love you. But you won't hear a "well done, good and faithful servant" on one-minute conversations with God. And you certainly can't make it on that kind of prayer life in the hard places where Jesus is not known or worshipped. Here's a challenge for you: Read everything Paul says about prayer, then ask yourself, "Am I willing to pray like that?" Paul said that he prayed "night and day with tears without ceasing with thankfulness in the Spirit constantly boldly for godly sorrow against the evil one."
4. Apostolic Decision-Making
If you live without a vision of the glory of God filling the whole earth, you are in danger of serving your own dreams of greatness, as you wait to do "the next thing" God tells you. There are too many over-fed, under-motivated Christians hiding behind the excuse that God has not spoken to them. They are waiting to hear voices or see dreams all the while living to make money, to provide for their future, to dress well and have fun.
The Apostle Paul was guided by his passions. Acts 20 and 21 tell of his determination to go to Jerusalem despite his own personal anticipation of suffering, the warnings of true prophets, and the intense disapproval of his friends. Why would Paul go against his own intuition let alone the urgings of prophets and weeping entreaties of close friends? He had a revelation of greater priority, of greater motivation: the glory of God.
Apostolic decision-making starts with a passion for God's glory in the nations, then asks: "Where shall I serve you?" Most people do the opposite. They ask the where-and-when questions without a revelation of His glory in the nations. Is it any wonder they never hear God say "go!" They have not cultivated a passion for the passions of God. All kinds of lesser desires can be holding them captive. They might never realize it.
Present your gifts, vocations and talents to the Lord. Press into God. Stay there until you long to go out in His name. Remain there and nurture the longing to see the earth bathed with His praise. Only then will you be able to trust your heart if you hear God say, "stay." Only those who long to broadcast His glory to the nations have the right to stay.
If you have apostolic passion, you are one of the most dangerous people on the planet. The world no longer rules your heart. You are no longer seduced by getting and gaining but devoted to spreading and proclaiming the glory of God in the nations. You live as a pilgrim, unattached to the cares of this world. You are not afraid of loss. You even dare to believe you may be given the privilege of dying to spread His fame on the earth. The Father's passions have become your passions. You find your satisfaction and significance in Him. You believe He is with you always, to the end of life itself. You are sold out to God, and you live for the Lamb. Satan fears you, and the angels applaud you.
Your greatest dream is that His name will be praised in languages never before heard in heaven. Your reward is the look of pure delight you anticipate seeing in His eyes when you lay at His feet and the just reward of His suffering: the worship of the redeemed.
You have apostolic passion!

all i have to say is "God is Good!" long as you are seeking to do God's perfect will
everything somehow works out according to His perfect will. yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuup!

Monday, April 21, 2003

He is Risen! He is Risen Indeed! :OD

man..this weekend i went to a good friday service at cornerstone church in simi valley (francis chan's church)
this worship pastor gave a message on Isaiah 53 on how it was "God's pleasure" to kill His Son (Jesus) in order
that me and you (sinners who deserve death) can have eternal life. How crazy is that? God would
delight in killing His only begotten Son so that an undeserving sinner like me could experience His unconditional love!!!
I mean if God killed His only Son for me and you what else wouldn't He do? How great a love is this? it blows my mind away
when i even try to fathom a little bit of how GREAT God's love is for mankind. Thank You Jesus...thank You for
taking the cup of suffering for me when i didn't deserve it. What else can i do but give my life back to You ..for what it's
worth..I give myself to You. Who else deserves everything of me but the One who died for me. YOUR LOVE IS AMAZING!!!

soooooooooo..i didn't get the apple commercial..but dood i'm soooo glad that i didn't because the shoot would have been
from friday till tuesday and that would have meant i would have to skip church on Easter..miss the dopest ...
most anointed..most sacred and beautiful wedding i've ever experienced down in Escondido california
(you guys don't understand it was ...can't explain it) the groom washed the feet of his wife..then they took communion 2gether..
.then she sang a spontaneous propheticworship song to her husband during the vows...then they lit 2 candles n' joined them 2gether
symbolizing their union w/ God..then they both with hands lifted up worshipped God "jumping" ...then pastor Lou Engle anointed
them both and commissioned them to China to win the lost..then they spoke blessings over their parents..exchanged vows...
and all this before they even exchanged GOT THE GLORY THRU THE WHOLE WEDDING!...nutz...
the presence of God was so present i thot i was going to get slain in the spirit..hehe :OP J/K

....n' i also wouldn't have been able to hang out w/ my friend on her bday in san diego. was really nice to hang w/ an old friend in a new way :OD God kinda just plans unexpected things dat make you go hmmm..
coinkeedink? God or odd? hehe..(you is a really nice must be hard to get depressed there.) haha...dood
am i retarded or whut...i had to drive my friend back to her dorm and i ended up going the wrong direction on the freeway (i5)
n' we ended up right in front of the MEXICO border! good thing there was one last U turn b4 we had to cross the border...
i need to pray God helps me w/ my sense of driving direction..pray i get delivered from A.D.D. (attention deficit disorder)

well its 1:30am and here i'm off on another week of God knows wat is in store. it's like this journey never ends. i find a lil bit more about GOd
and lil bit more about myself each passing day. yeah..i got some big decisions to make this week. scared? ..yeah a lil bit...expectant? yeah
dat too...everything is moving so fast i'm just kind of going with the flow...not much time to tink..i guess all i can really do is pray. and then
pray a lil more. ever feel like God was calling you to do something CRAZY? and you thot to the heck could God use me?
and you come up w/ excuses like ...i'm too young..not talented or intelligent enuf...i'm not a good dis or dat...n' then God is like..JUST DO IT..
just TRUST ME and DO IT! and i'm like..but but but......well i guess if it's crazy it must be God...God wouldn't call us to do something that
wouldn't require His help to do right? here i am.."clueless" ...but i just want to do God's will in my life...and i tink this is His will...oh God have
mercy..wat am i getting myself into?...honestly...i don't think my "right mind" realizes what i'm about to embark plant a young adult
church to reach the emerging generation. Lord keep me in a place where you can use me. let me die in order that You might live. i'll do whatever it
takes to see revival come to this generation. please let this path be a road that leads to revival..thy kingdom come thy will be done in this generation as it
is in heaven. Father bring me mighty men and women...full of the Holy Spirit and wisdom. let them be even more mighty then the mighty men
of David...gather me an army of fearless warriors so in love with You they would die for You...for the sake of the Cross army of God that would
consider all things lost for the sake of knowing You...oh God know i am weak..unable..and lacking..but Father i ask You bring to me
in the coming days those who are skilled ....those whose hearts are set on know You and make You known ... an army that is clothed in humility..
and dressed in the full armor of and women with servants hearts ...ones who would take up their cross daily and whose hearts are filled
w/ passionate love for You...oh Lord do a new thing in me and to those You bring to my side...let me be unto you a sacrifice holy and pleasing to You.
i don't have it all together..i don't know how this is going to all work out...i don't have a plan or strategy..all i know Lord is that i desire to do Your please
lead me, help me and empower me with the fullness of Your Holy Spirit to do all that You are calling me to do....thru all of this before all its uncertainty
guide me with Your hand and move me with Your lips...i'm on FIRE when i'm near You..I'm on Fire when You speak..keep me close to Your heavenly Fire
...let me burn so bright..with so much passion...that Your FIRE consumes me and sets on FIRE every person who crosses my path. i desire nothing else
but to do Your grace me in my frailty and blindness...heal me in my brokeness..make me and mold me into what Your heart desires and set my heart ablaze to
know You more each passing minute more than the seconds passed before... that maybe one day i could be like apostle paul and say "i've finished the race of faith"
....oh Lord how i desire to "finish strong" not part way...not mediocre...but all the be more on FIRE the day that i die than when i first began this race..this walk
with You. destroy my fears oh Lord and replace them with Your love. for perfect love casts out all fear. i want to know Your love like the apostle John..i want to know You
in Your suffering like Apostle paul..i'm afraid even to pray this..but i know in some mysterious is only thru that road of death that i may truly find life..
and the day i am delivered from all my the day i will be free to live. i want to finish strong.when the whole world says i wont...and all the odds are
against me..i quote Your word.." i can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me" ...this life is for You Lord and You alone..i love You. In Jesus name amen.

Monday, April 14, 2003

Ok....str8 up cRAzy .. I mean CrAAAzzY miraCle for UNIVERSOUL yesterday!!!

So if you guys don't know. SJSU told me out of the blue on Friday if we don't
get "15 thousand dollars" in by Monday at 11:30am they would cancel the
universoul event. So this gave us less than 72 hours to raise it.

Sat afternoon I knew nothing else to do but go deep into prayer. I prayed and prayed
and remembered "Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray,
believe that  you receive them, and you will have them." Mark 11:24

faith sprung up in my spirit and told God.."This is Your event Lord, you have confirmed
the way time and time by Monday at 11:30 I'm expecting You to provide 15 thousand
dollars..You have to give it!" I have no clue where this faith came from but i knew that God
would provide..from where? beats me!!!

Saturday nite i was invited to share my testimony at a Chinese lady house by the name of Olivia..
this women has a passionate heart for young people and when hearing my testimony elsewhere
asked me to share my testimony at her 50th bday party. I FELT SO AWKWARD! it was in Los Altos Hills
w/ alot of rich people..but i said Lord i have no clue what i'm doing here but i'll be obedient! I shared my testimony and after shared to her about Universoul....

Sunday morning i get a call from Olivia and she says.."let me know how much you need and i'll try
to make the difference" ....i had no clue how much she would give....well I'm driving back from SF around 3pm and i get a call from a random person saying there is a check from Olivia here to sponsor your
youth outreach..come pick it up in LOS GATOS HILLS. OH MY goodness..i drove into la la was on the other side of a mountain and MANSIONS were on top of every hill...i drive up in my old beat up chevy this huge House...this chinese guy opens the door and says "Are you Jason? here is the check for..

$10,000 DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! repeat: $10,000 DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i lost my mind..i never held that much money in my hands my entire life! The GLORY of God came down and MAN I WAS PRAISING GOD ALL THE WAY BACK DOWN  THE MOUNTAIN!!!! it  gets better!!!

2 hours later I get a call from my co-worker at THE RIVER and she tells me THE RIVER's giving team will be able to wire ..... $5000 by Monday morning towards the event!! THAT'S EXACTLY 15K ...HAHA..PRAISE GOD!!!!! IS GOD RIGHT ON TIME OR WHAT?????????

so today..i just got back from the sjsu meeting at 11:30am ..n' before they could say nething and get on my case i said... " you go a check for $10k and a wire for $5k" ...MY GOD ALWAYS PROVIDES!!!!!!!

"and my God shall supply all your need according to His riches and glory by Christ Jesus" Philipians 4:19 guys this event God has confirmed to us time and time again this is HIS WIILL!!!!  from the Blues Festival partnering w/ me sneakn pass security guards to talk to KRSONE to do the SJSU govt fighting for months on whether or not to approve this God providing all the may 11 2003 there are going to be thousands of students and families from all over the Bay coming out to experience a positive drug free outdoor hip hop rave festival...but kids aren't going to get High on "e'" they are going to get high on the Love of God the true "e" ...eternal life.

man God inSANE or whut?? HE IS AWESOME!!! i'm still in awe and bewildered at HIS MAJESTY!!!
woOHHHooohHooooO! crazy crazy crazy...our God is crazy! n' He always makes us do CRAZY things to let us know IT IS ONLY HIS CRAZY SELF THat CAN PULL IT OFF!! ALL GLORY TO JESUS CHRIST!!!! amen!

spread the good word:


the was one word "FUN" ..i made such a fool of myself....i sang w/ a Jamaican accent :OP the dood must of thot i was nutz!


God is CraZy!!!!

make a long story short: someone gave me a check for $10,000 today for the UNIVERSOUL event. 2 hours later i got $5,000 more wired on credit
that's exactly 15k. GOD IS ALWAYS ON TIME! Lord Jesus ..sweet Jesus....You amaze me w/ Your faithfulness!

w/ man it is impossible...but w/ God all things are possible.


Sunday, April 13, 2003

i'm off to an apple computer commercial audtion...for the audition i have to sing my favorite song...or one of it goes!!
(who knos if i get this gig it could pay off my skool loans! but even if i don't it'll be fun to just get my mind off serious stuff)

Bobby Mcferrin
Don't Worry, Be Happy

Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy.
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy now.

CHORUS: Don't worry, be happy. Don't worry, be happy.
Don't worry, be happy. Don't worry, be happy.

Ain't got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don't worry, be happy.
The landlord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy.

CHORUS: (Look at me -- I'm happy. Don't worry, be happy.
Here I give you my phone number. When you worry, call me,
I make you happy. Don't worry, be happy.)

Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style
Ain't got no gal to make you smile
Don't worry, be happy.
'Cause when you worry your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
Don't worry, be happy.

CHORUS: (Don't worry, don't worry, don't do it.
Be happy. Put a smile on your face.
Don't bring everybody down.
Don't worry. It will soon pass, whatever it is.
Don't worry, be happy.
I'm not worried, I'm happy...)

Friday, April 11, 2003

back from LA.... i guess you can say life is pretty intense right now. I'm not trying to make my life so "serious" but somehow I'm caught inbetween all these BIG decisions again. Things are changing so fast and all i really want to do is God's will. it's really tough though to discern when you have voices speaking into your life from every direction. Who's right and who's wrong? i tink more than anything i need to get away, be silent and seek the voice of God. maybe what i need also is a nice almond "pearl tea" i tink the best place to get one is in Mt. view from dat one place "verde" verde "green" in spanish? definitely some crazy times rite now. i don't have a clue what to do...but my eyes are on YOU.

"A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs His steps" Proverbs 16:9

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

well wat do you do after the Call SF? the same thing you always do pinky..TAKE OVER THE WORLD (for Jesus)
actually...i think for the first time in awhile i might be able to live a lil more "simple" w/ the Call SF done, soul show is taking
a break, the Call TV show is now on hold, really all i have is the universoul event in may (oh Lord help me raise 35k in 4 weeks for it!)
skool (also got my first distance learning class today!) and then possibly a "church plant" soooooooooo in other words...
the next few years could look like having alot more time w/ God...alot more time to read books...alot more time to maybe even write one..and alot more time to be with all kinds of different people...and a whole lot more time to praaaaaaaaaaaay! man..i remember those days freshmen year in high school where i could just pray for hours w/out having to worry about the next meeting to goto...hmm..dere is dat one verse...
look for the old path and walk in it (jeremiah?) neways..david had to wait 17+ years b4 he became king..joseph 22 years b4 he took charge of egypt...paul spent 14 years in arabia b4 he went on his first missionary journey...Jesus..well He spent 30 years as a carpenter and only 3 in pubic yeah...pastoring is my greatest fear..but it could also be my greatest strength...who knos...i'm at peace. i know God will bring it all about according to His will even tho i don't have a clue how the heck He is going to do it. things can happen so fast you kno? is it just me or has 2003 been like FULL BLAST non stop things major things..shifting and changing..there's a war in the heavenlies n' something is brewing...

the call sf..wat can i say? its a forerunner movement. its a john the baptist prepare the way kind of movement. its not for the religious to understand...its for those who hear the call in their spirit...its for a new breed of army God is raising up who is not afraid to lay down their very lives for the thing they cherish the most. Jesus. you know.. John the baptist was radical man..he wore a camel coat, ate locust and drank wild honey..the young people loved him..but oh ..not the pharisees..not the religious folk..but dats okay. God is raising up a radical army and it's not what were use to & frankly they are not gonna care what the naysayers say because they are going to be so in love w/ Jesus. its an army dat is going to know their God and do mighty exploits (daniel 11) its an army that is going to move in the power of the Holy signs..wonders and miracles...ultimately in "love" by this all men will know my Name..dat you LOVE one another. i won't be content until i see kingdom on earth....the power of God displayed like the days of old..but indeed we are moving into the latter days of the greater anointing...but who will perceive it? i believe it is a new wine..a new breed...a new generation looking not unto man..but unto God..with their hearts lovesick in worship and hands that are radical in battle ...but for this new wine..there needs to be a new wineskin..oh Lord would you raise me up to provide this new skin...but i am still young..inexperienced...immature and lacking character...oh Lord speed up time and give the spirit of Jeremiah, of Timothy, of Daniel, of Jehosophat, of David.. i wanna kill some lions and bears..more so i want to become a mighty man of God. i want to live and not just die...i want to go all the way without turning my head back ... give me a sword Lord and let me slay some dragons in Jesus name. amen
><><>< prayn in the spirit w/ a vision for revival across this land.........the Lord is gathering up His troops.

Lord bless and keep me brother George Sagisi serving in Iraq rite now. protect Him and take care of his wife and son back home..bring him back safe and let his light shine like the dawn! amen amen

Friday, April 04, 2003

today..tonite was truly a blessing from always come in the most unexpected ways from God n' tonite He did that for me..
a big mexican brother -w/ really big earings n' kinda intimidating...out of no where comes up to me after the church service tonite n' i end up talking to him for over 2 hours..really i was just listening and he started prophesying over me .... he just said sooooooooooooo many things dat have been heavy on my heart for the past year n' was crazy he was just readn my mail...n' he doesn't know me from atom. he saw me give a testimony the other night n' said God gave him a word for me ...i don't want to go into detail ..but it amazes me how God can use nebody to speak to you in your time of need.... i feel soooooo much JOY rite NOW :OD !!!! like i've been freed from bondage..the words he spoke made me realize so many things about my own brokeness n' at the same time my future's wild..promises n' prayers i've been prayn for years were confirmed thru his words..n' what he said to me really helped me realize things bout myself...and cleared up things i was confused about..GOD SPEAKS!!!! yes He sure does!

i'll go into more another time..but this whole day..God was just speakn to me thru everything! n' right when i wasn't expecting it ..God is sooo good!
from walkn in SF n' tinkn bout whether i should possibly start a new young adult church some random lady asking me if i'm going to be a minister n' start a church for young meeting Francis Frangipane n' him randomly talking about how God uses opposittes to kill me meeting this random guy who prophesies over me for 2 hours when i shouldn't have gone back to the church lobby..but was asked to drop off a bag for someone n' randomly ended up bumping in2 this guy...God confirmed again to me..i need to build on my foundation these next few years...n' dat is exactly what i'm going to do with a "smile" i know its gonna be hard..but it is what i need..n' need to step in w/ faith so the break thru can come about faithful w/ little and He will make you faithful over much! what God wants from me most is to walk humbly before Him, to love mercy and to do what is my relationship w/ Him and the ones i care can't lose when you always gives freely away and expects nothing in return...and thru humility i can destroy pride...Lord make me humble and help me to be a good friend to all those you give me. amen ;oD

Wednesday, April 02, 2003

today was a pretty cool day. i walked downtown trying to get sponsorships for the universoul event. and yeah...I felt like a 6th grader w/ my backpack on just exploring the city :OD sometimes you have to just go outside and enjoy the day, enjoy people and enjoy the simplicity of life. neway i tink this movie "its a wonderful life" is really beginning to grow on me.

I'm realizing more and more the most important things in life are not what you are striving for, but more so what you possess
today. i have my family, my friends, my co workers at work, the guy that works at the ticket counter who i say God bless to everyday before i leave the parking sky...even a rainbow today. most of all i have a cool relationship with God who knows me and hears my every thot.

to think..i could stay up till 2am last nite just pouring my heart out to God, talking to him out loud on my bed like my best friend was sitting there beside me. God is sooooooooo cool. i mean who on this earth will always listen to you, never judge you, is always for you, thinks the absolute best about you, you never have to think twice if He is willing to listen..(HE ALWAYS WANTS TO LISTEN!!!) He doesn't get critical on me, judge me or think i'm too out too His love is UNCONDITIONAL and amazingly ALWAYS THERE!!!
how is this? it amazes me everytime i realize His faithfulness. its like the book "the giving tree" dats my favorite book..because it gives me such an awesome picture of God's unfailing and always giving love. no matter what i matter if i screw up or fail..He loves me..He really does love me just the way i am. :OD dats my kind of Friend!!!

more things have transpired today...but i think i'm coming to terms with all the options before me..i'm sensing i need to continue w/ the prophecy over my life dat these next 2 years or so...are for me to build a strong foundation...away from the limelight and more into the everyday things of life....its kind of a freeing thot when there aren't nemore expectations looming over my head by the moment..instead...i'm able to enjoy the simple..enjoy people....this will be a fight from what i'm use to..but i'm determined to become "whole" to "be" and not so much "do" make sense? i dunno...i'm kinda friends from jr. high went to a seekers bible study w/ me was sooo awesome to see them engaged and truly seeking after God...yeah..yaaawwwwwn...geez its only 10pm..i must have been at work toolong fact i'm in my cubicle ritenow... know what really isn't as complicated as it seems...just look up into the sky and smile..God is there and He is for you ..and dat is all you need..good nite :OP


well i guess this is a pretty good way of getting my thots out...this will be an online journal of my "wonderful life"
of my daily thots, struggles, triumphs, God happenings and all the retarded things i do that make me the total
dork that i am. ;oP hey.. God is still good and He somehow uses the foolish things of this world to confound the wise.
i'm definitely in tha category of foolish. God is an interesting God...somehow He uses broken, beat up, dysfunctional
guys like myself to actually have the priveledge to serve Him, know Him and at the same time get to kno myself better.

i've made alot of mistakes in life. and at the age of 22 i realize i'm going to make a lot more. i'm realizing more and more
its ok to be not ok because God is somehow OK with me not being ok ;oP does that make sense? have patience..
i tend to write before i think. i just kinda write and write and write and later i'm like..dang i just wrote 10 pages of nonsense?

more and more i'm realizing i am who i am. God made me who i am, i'm not perfect and that's okay. because in my imperfection
i realize how much more i need to find my affirmation and approval and perfection from God. its a fight i tell ya. daily its a battle
to find my identity in Him. to find my total satisfaction grounded in His affections toward me. its tuff. its hard when you want
people to approve you and you wonder why people don't respond to you the way you want them to. to be a God pleaser
and not a man pleaser..dats one battle i'm going to be facing for the rest of my life. to surrender and die to myself. how does that happen?

man..if i told you everything God put me thru today i wouldn't kno where to start. how about i sense the Lord is telling me again
to lay down some more let go of the press on towards the goal of being content only in Him. sighh....
so away w/ the tv shows...away with the rap album...away w/ reaching millions...away w/ finding my identity in nething else but Him.
yeah..i tink i died again today. i tink i'll need to die everyday until i can be that "whole" person GOd is calling me to be.
how i want to be that man of do i want to be that man of God...who knos God and knos himself..who is secure
in God's view of Him..who knows his purpose and is not in need of nething else but friendship with God. everything else flows from

i'm realizing more and more how immature i am. how much i need to grow. how much i don't know and how much i need to learn.
i've got a looooooooooooooooooong way before i'm going to be ready for my destiny. what is God doing in my life right now? beats me..
so many roads in front of me..which one to choose? a? b? or c? i tink i'll choose d (all of the above) but the sucky thing is you can't...
was i born to be multi-tasked? maybe i'm not normal..most people are focused...i have like a gazillion passions...
insecurity is another thing...grrrr...gotta beat this mountain. gotta learn to have self control and patience. to give people their space
and to learn to be a better friend.

so yeah..i want to be that braveheart..i want to die for the Cross...i want to live my life and really live..not for myself ..but at the end
of my time on earth hear Jesus say..."i'm proud of you son" i'm a long way foundation is not close to being done ..just pray for
me that God's will will be done in my life. i'm not perfect remember? neither are you i guess..that's why were on this journey to discover our existence together...Lord teach me how to be a better friend, to listen to others, not to only think of myself, to enjoy the mundane,
to be content with wat today has to offer, to dream Your dreams, to know Your heart, to understand other peoples hurt, to empathize with their pain, to rejoice and be glad, to deny myself and take up the Cross. to live this life as a sacrifice on the altar. nething and neone you give me on this earth is a gift. you can give it to me and you can take it away. i wont' argue. my life doesn't belong to me it belongs to You. my heart is for revival..i'll die for died for i want to follow in Daddy's footsteps..but first let me find revival in my own heart...make me more like You..please Lord make me more like You. in Jesus name. amen.


hello world!