Monday, April 21, 2003

He is Risen! He is Risen Indeed! :OD

man..this weekend i went to a good friday service at cornerstone church in simi valley (francis chan's church)
this worship pastor gave a message on Isaiah 53 on how it was "God's pleasure" to kill His Son (Jesus) in order
that me and you (sinners who deserve death) can have eternal life. How crazy is that? God would
delight in killing His only begotten Son so that an undeserving sinner like me could experience His unconditional love!!!
I mean if God killed His only Son for me and you what else wouldn't He do? How great a love is this? it blows my mind away
when i even try to fathom a little bit of how GREAT God's love is for mankind. Thank You Jesus...thank You for
taking the cup of suffering for me when i didn't deserve it. What else can i do but give my life back to You ..for what it's
worth..I give myself to You. Who else deserves everything of me but the One who died for me. YOUR LOVE IS AMAZING!!!

soooooooooo..i didn't get the apple commercial..but dood i'm soooo glad that i didn't because the shoot would have been
from friday till tuesday and that would have meant i would have to skip church on Easter..miss the dopest ...
most anointed..most sacred and beautiful wedding i've ever experienced down in Escondido california
(you guys don't understand it was ...can't explain it) the groom washed the feet of his wife..then they took communion 2gether..
.then she sang a spontaneous propheticworship song to her husband during the vows...then they lit 2 candles n' joined them 2gether
symbolizing their union w/ God..then they both with hands lifted up worshipped God "jumping" ...then pastor Lou Engle anointed
them both and commissioned them to China to win the lost..then they spoke blessings over their parents..exchanged vows...
and all this before they even exchanged rings...man..GOD GOT THE GLORY THRU THE WHOLE WEDDING!...nutz...
the presence of God was so present i thot i was going to get slain in the spirit..hehe :OP J/K

....n' i also wouldn't have been able to hang out w/ my friend on her bday in san diego.
yea..it was really nice to hang w/ an old friend in a new way :OD God kinda just plans unexpected things dat make you go hmmm..
coinkeedink? God or odd? hehe..(you kno..sd is a really nice place..it must be hard to get depressed there.) haha...dood
am i retarded or whut...i had to drive my friend back to her dorm and i ended up going the wrong direction on the freeway (i5)
n' we ended up right in front of the MEXICO border! good thing there was one last U turn b4 we had to cross the border...
i need to pray God helps me w/ my sense of driving direction..pray i get delivered from A.D.D. (attention deficit disorder)

well its 1:30am and here i'm off on another week of God knows wat is in store. it's like this journey never ends. i find a lil bit more about GOd
and lil bit more about myself each passing day. yeah..i got some big decisions to make this week. scared? ..yeah a lil bit...expectant? yeah
dat too...everything is moving so fast i'm just kind of going with the flow...not much time to tink..i guess all i can really do is pray. and then
pray a lil more. ever feel like God was calling you to do something CRAZY? and you thot to yourself..how the heck could God use me?
and you come up w/ excuses like ...i'm too young..not talented or intelligent enuf...i'm not a good dis or dat...n' then God is like..JUST DO IT..
just TRUST ME and DO IT! and i'm like..but but but......well i guess if it's crazy it must be God...God wouldn't call us to do something that
wouldn't require His help to do right?...so here i am.."clueless" ...but i just want to do God's will in my life...and i tink this is His will...oh God have
mercy..wat am i getting myself into?...honestly...i don't think my "right mind" realizes what i'm about to embark on...to plant a young adult
church to reach the emerging generation. Lord keep me in a place where you can use me. let me die in order that You might live. i'll do whatever it
takes to see revival come to this generation. please let this path be a road that leads to revival..thy kingdom come thy will be done in this generation as it
is in heaven. Father bring me mighty men and women...full of the Holy Spirit and wisdom. let them be even more mighty then the mighty men
of David...gather me an army of fearless warriors so in love with You they would die for You...for the sake of the Cross ..an army of God that would
consider all things lost for the sake of knowing You...oh God ..you know i am weak..unable..and lacking..but Father i ask You bring to me
in the coming days those who are skilled ....those whose hearts are set on pilgrimage..to know You and make You known ... an army that is clothed in humility..
and dressed in the full armor of God...men and women with servants hearts ...ones who would take up their cross daily and whose hearts are filled
w/ passionate love for You...oh Lord do a new thing in me and to those You bring to my side...let me be unto you a sacrifice holy and pleasing to You.
i don't have it all together..i don't know how this is going to all work out...i don't have a plan or strategy..all i know Lord is that i desire to do Your will..so please
lead me, help me and empower me with the fullness of Your Holy Spirit to do all that You are calling me to do....thru all of this before me..in all its uncertainty
guide me with Your hand and move me with Your lips...i'm on FIRE when i'm near You..I'm on Fire when You speak..keep me close to Your heavenly Fire
...let me burn so bright..with so much passion...that Your FIRE consumes me and sets on FIRE every person who crosses my path. i desire nothing else
but to do Your will..so grace me in my frailty and blindness...heal me in my brokeness..make me and mold me into what Your heart desires and set my heart ablaze to
know You more each passing minute more than the seconds passed before... that maybe one day i could be like apostle paul and say "i've finished the race of faith"
....oh Lord how i desire to "finish strong" not part way...not mediocre...but all the way...to be more on FIRE the day that i die than when i first began this race..this walk
with You. destroy my fears oh Lord and replace them with Your love. for perfect love casts out all fear. i want to know Your love like the apostle John..i want to know You
in Your suffering like Apostle paul..i'm afraid even to pray this..but i know in some mysterious way..it is only thru that road of death that i may truly find life..
and the day i am delivered from all my fears..is the day i will be free to live. i want to finish strong.when the whole world says i wont...and all the odds are
against me..i quote Your word.." i can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me" ...this life is for You Lord and You alone..i love You. In Jesus name amen.

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