Thursday, March 01, 2007

Live like your Dying ><>

Recently, after coming back from my trip in Asia I experienced a reality that I had not thought seriously of before. How short one's life can be. I woke up one night around 3am a week ago, with excruciating pain in my stomach. It lasted for hours and it was pain I had never felt before. I asked God for grace and immediately asked for His mercy to help me. The pain subsided enough for me to wake the next morning for the training. I felt incredibly weak, wanted to go to the hospital, but I was scheduled to speak that following day in Nor Cal for a Campus Crusade Epic conference. I went up by faith, and ended up at Kaiser in the ER and had to have blood tests taken and a physical. My sister, who studies medicine warned me it could be an ulcer because of my irregular eating habits, lack of juices and HIGH STRESS. Alot of thoughts were running through my mind during this period. I repented before God for not taking better care of the temple of the Holy Spirit. I guess 5 years of non-stop plane travel, time zone changes, irregular eating and intense pressure can even wear down a 26 year old body "for even youth grow tired and weary" Isaiah 40:30 At the same time, I could feel the spirtual warfare around me, having been attacked in my weakness right before 3 major training conferences where we saw great breakthrough and revival. Whatever the case, I couldn't help but not shake the thought of how fragile our life is.

So what if I only had 10 more years to live? One more year to live? Or only one day? How would I live this life? How would I spend my time? how would I focus my time and talents? Alot of thoughts have been racing through my heart these days, it feels heavy, but not in a burdensome way, more like a urgency. I've just been praying lately, "Lord use my life to win as many souls as possible before I die! Lord get maximum glory through my life! Lord don't let me waste this life, let me live everyday as if I was dying, God give me grace to not waste one minute, one moment, may every breath and action of my life bring You glory. Please Lord, don't let me waste my time, but let me live completely for You, to know You intimately and make You known whatever that takes, I don't even know how, but God please, please let me finish that which You have purposed for me to do. Let me do all of Your will in my lifetime, even if I die young like the Apostles of old, even Jesus only lived to 33 years old, if it was up to me Lord I would ask You to give me long life that I might preach the Gospel till my dying day, being selfish I would ask for marriage and a family, but if that is not Your lot for me then I accept whatever amount of breaths You give me, just don't let me waste them. Use my life, get maximum glory through this life that is vapor, from the dust I came and to the dust I will go. Not my will but Your will be done. All men die, few men really live, let the little life that You have given me be lived out to the full, let it not be a waste, but let it be full of love given and love given away.

I found out yesterday that my blood test came back "negative" my body is normal, yet maybe this was a wake up call to recognize the preciousness of life, my need to be a better steward of what God has given to me, to learn to rest and recognize revival is God's work - not mine and to remember to live like your dying, everday till that day.

For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. Phil 1:21

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. Gal 2:20

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24 Comments:

At 3/02/2007 02:00:00 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow, praise God i stumbled on this page. (my brother previously used this laptop and bookmarked this blog.) i have been going through a lot and reading this entry really opened up my eyes to how precious life truly is. its really encouraging to hear something so refreshing and straight up. keep up God's work in you!

-kat

 
At 3/02/2007 06:42:00 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

"God, I pray Thee, light these idle sticks of my life that I may burn for Thee. Consume my life, my God, for it is Thine. I seek not a long life, but a full one, like you, LORD Jesus."
-Jim Elliot

just reminded me of that quote.

 
At 3/02/2007 07:25:00 AM , Anonymous Judy said...

But he knows the way that I take;when he has tested me,I will come forth as gold.(Job23:10)
Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion,which cannot be shaken but endures forever.(psalms125:1)
But now,Lord,what do I look for?My hope is in you.(psalms39:7)

 
At 3/02/2007 03:11:00 PM , Anonymous Kendal said...

"Let me do all of Your will in my lifetime, even if I die young like the Apostles of old, even Jesus only lived to 33 years old, if it was up to me Lord I would ask You to give me long life that I might preach the Gospel till my dying day, being selfish I would ask for marriage and a family, but if that is not Your lot for me then I accept whatever amount of breaths You give me, just don't let me waste them. Use my life, get maximum glory through this life that is vapor, from the dust I came and to the dust I will go."

Jaeson, God bless you! I have been reading your blog since the Lord had me find it by "accident." I misspelled a word in Google and the only misspelling of that word on the internet was a typo in one of your posts... the Lord even uses typos! Your passion for our King is evident. Or rather, His passionate Spirit in you.

Jaeson, a trap of the enemy is to think that life is a sprint. It is a marathon. If the enemy can't get us to turn to the pleasures of the world, they try to fool us into living by our own strength. Jesus ministered to thousands but he constantly turned aside to rest with His Father. Even when thousands were waiting to see Him. In other words, Jesus *cancelled meetings* to spend time with Father. Many preachers almost brag about never cancelling a meeting... Jesus would not make such a boast.

Satan would have you think that you are responsible for a great revival; that if you don't do it, it won't happen. No. The Holy Spirit is the Revival, and His temple is in an earthen vessel. Billy Graham has said that if he had a chance to live his life over again, he would cancel half of the meetings he had to have more time to pray for the ones he would do. Jaeson, the Holy Spirit is the ultimate Revivalist, the consumate Preacher. You will limit Him if you do not rest. And you will hinder Him if you do not rest in His strength. His burden is light.

Jaeson, He will tell you what to do, how much to do, when to do it, how to do it, with whom to do it, and He will also know how to keep your body in health. Listen to Him. It's a hard lesson... coming from one who was up all night working on stuff that I just knew *had* to get done. :-) Lord, thank you for your patience!

The Mighty King bless you, Jaeson.

Your brother, a fellow young preacher
Kendal
kendal467 /*----a----t-----*/ gmail.com

 
At 3/02/2007 08:49:00 PM , Anonymous Linda said...

Your sharing makes me very touched !Thank the dialogue of your sharing and God reality, and experience the flounder in the life, I can understand your feeling.
My age is similar to you, I am a nurse, my hoping earnestly can go to China, winning a young student for the God, in the middle of saying the prayers I accept God of calling to theological seminary to accept a material, I really hope to achieve God in my project in the life.
Perhaps is because I am a young girl, meeting many difficulties and pressure in the matter, the most sad is see the Taiwanese church abruption and complicated power fight, make many want to give up for the person whom the God takes a matter.....
Your guidance in Taiwan brings my very big consolation, I want to do the children of the God, not preach a person, seeing you take a matter, my beginning understand not call the person despise your young model, also seeing work properly divinely on your body, assigning you to report capture of have to release, also is hard for lord his disciple!
When we dedicate our life to him, being us to work hard to climb up that highest mountain, I think we will see that most beautiful scenery, I hope my life is in the lord live of abundant with fascinating, I don't want mild life.
Begging the God helps me to surmount my limited thought, understanding his infinite, also believe our future, marriage, all he has already prepared for us, because he loves deeply us, loving the love that we responded him more.
Wish God more usages you come wear this generation, also beg God to keep the your body haleness, soul prosperous!
Thank the sharing that you hear me
Please preach person and theological seminary a student an intercession young for Taiwan also, beg God to help us to win in the enemy in front, make his get honor in Taiwan!
Wishing the God celebrates you to put up!
love in Jesus!

 
At 3/02/2007 09:26:00 PM , Anonymous Judy said...

I love you more than life.You are king of all.JESUS~
Lord you have chosen Jaeson as Your son, You will not forsake him, if You could, please give the love you give to me to him, because he shall be blessing among the millions.He will give you what you've asked for because He love you.

 
At 3/04/2007 04:38:00 AM , Anonymous Judy said...

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;a broken and contrite heart,O God,you will not despise.(psalms51:17)
Why are you downcast,O my soul?Why so disturbed within me?Put your hope in God,for I will yet praise him,my savior and my God.(psalms42:11)
He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress,and for his children it will be a refuge.(psalms14:26)

 
At 3/04/2007 09:00:00 AM , Anonymous ming said...

Hello,Jeason Ma canonry.I come from Taiwan.This is my first time to write a letter in English,and my English is not very well.I want to tell you , your article is very impressive,I am very moved.

Thank you,and thank for jesus too.

  我不知道你是否看的懂中文,用英文真的很難表達我的感受。你的這篇文章,真的解答了在心裡許久的疑惑,我真的很感謝你的分享,更感謝天上的阿爸。

 
At 3/04/2007 04:58:00 PM , Blogger Jessica Oei said...

I'm glad your tests came back negative, and i'm hoping that you're feeling a lot better!!! How crazy and a bit of a scare at the same time. I'll be praying for you to receive all of God's blessings and restoration, and healing--definitely. Jess

 
At 3/04/2007 09:17:00 PM , Blogger mic astronaut said...

Bro, I was going to blog about the same thing in my blog while I was at work this morning. Not necessarily to live like you're dying (love that title) but moreso that tomorrow's not promised to us so we're to take advantage of today and live it to it's fullest that we can to what God wants us to do. Thanks for posting your thoughts, life and experiences on here. I've been lurking ever since a friend told me about you and your ministry. She's been a big blessing in my life too. Peace, micro.

 
At 3/05/2007 01:22:00 AM , Anonymous Judy said...

Before I was afflicted I went astray,but now I obey your word.(psalms119:67)
I run in the path of your commands,for you have set my heart free.(psalms119:32)
I will always obey your law,for ever and ever.(psalms119:44)

He love you.

 
At 3/05/2007 03:18:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Jaes,

Please, please pace yourself. Definitely want you around for the marathon and not merely for a sprint. For the best is yet ahead. And you, Pastor Jaeson, are irreplaceable. Praying for intimacy, peace and focus for you. Verse for you: This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in His presence; If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greter than our hearts and he knows everything...

Praying for your heart to be at rest in His presence...Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence beore God and received from him anything we ask...

May you receive *anything* and *everything* that you ask,

 
At 3/06/2007 04:34:00 AM , Anonymous Grace said...

Hey Jaeson,

I am glad that the blood test came negative.... Yes,please pace yourselves, your life is a marathon, not a sprint. I would hate to 'see' you crumble because of exhaustion in serving the Lord (though it's a good exhaustion..). I think there are more things that you can do when you are healthy! So yeah.. definitely please take care..

Maybe consider take a week off or something?..

Will be praying for you!

-gRaCe-

PS: btw, what's the release date for your book??

 
At 3/06/2007 08:07:00 AM , Anonymous Judy said...

Give thanks to the LORD,for he is good; his love endures forever.(psalms107:1)
For I am poor and needy,and my heart is wounded within me.(psalms109:22)
Praise the LORD.(psalms111:1)

 
At 3/06/2007 07:59:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Pastor Jaeson,

Jesus loves you. We love you too. Take care yourself. Your mom worried over your health. God bless you!!!

 
At 3/07/2007 08:09:00 AM , Anonymous Judy said...

I have treasure the words of his mouth than my daily bread.(Job23:12)
When your words came,I ate them;they were my joy and my heart's delight, for I bear your name,O LORD God Almighty.(Jeremiah15:12)
How sweet are your words to my taste,sweeter than honey to my mouth.(psalms119:103)

 
At 3/08/2007 07:39:00 AM , Anonymous Judy said...

When you walk,they will guide you;
when you sleep,they will watch over you;when you awake,they will speak to you.(Proverbs6:22)
Great are the works of the LORD;they are pondered by all who delight in them.(Psalms111:2)
"Do not touch my anointed ones;do my prophets no harm."(Psalms105:15)

 
At 3/08/2007 11:07:00 AM , Anonymous Gill Haung said...

Hi Pastor Jaeson

thank you for the sharing

Holy Spirit touched me so much in your letter

anyone has few time in their live

people who live in Jesus their life is shining in the world

praise Lord!!



Gill Haung from TW

 
At 3/09/2007 09:01:00 AM , Anonymous Judy said...

But they dud not understand what this meant.It was hidden form them,so that they were afraid to ask him about it.(Luke9:45)
"I am the Alpha and the Omega,"says the LORD God,"who is,and who was,and who is to come,the Almighty"(Revelation1:8)
"This is my son,whom I love;with him I am well pleased."(Matthew3:16)

 
At 3/09/2007 04:50:00 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yo. Yea, pain sucks. Glad it's gone. Love is a cool thing. God loves and is. Rest in His embrace Jaes.

Btw. Thanks for forcing thee boys to bring the food and flowers. It was all smiles that night... Even if u had to divert attention to prayer so u can bring in the roses. Hahaha.

Roses really smell like...

-bon! (Bombshell? Bodacious?) haha. Werrddd...

 
At 3/09/2007 06:42:00 PM , Blogger Jaeson Ma said...

hey yall,

thanks for the love and prayers, I really appreciate it. You are all some good "blogging" friends haha, may God give us all grace to enjoy and seize each day :)

 
At 3/09/2007 10:27:00 PM , Blogger Mary said...

Dear Pastor,
Please take good care of your health. We all miss you. I'm very grateful for what you have done in my life when I was in Hk 2005. Now I grow up a little but still remember your kindness and your passion for Jesus. It's a lasting influence in my life! If you have time, please come to Guangzhou city, China for a short vacation. Just to see us, the young Chinese you love. And also have meals with us: )
Don't worry about your health. Jesus will restore you. We will pray for you. Relax:)
Love and blessings,

 
At 3/10/2007 05:13:00 PM , Blogger Christina Ratna Dewi said...

hey from germany.

yeah true,we're more effective for god when we settle down from time to time and just enjoy life and hang out, take care of our bodies...

so, it's great what you're doing! definetely, but i think in god's eyes you are not just a tool. you are a human, child of god.
so, when i realize, my energy's running out i just wanna listen to the signals of my body and say stop and know i am definetely replacable in a sense that i trust god, he will take care when i'm not there...

so i bless your bodY with health and your schedule with "non spiritual" fun time in between. :)
BLESS!

 
At 3/15/2007 08:18:00 AM , Anonymous TIFFANY KAM said...

Dear pastor Jaeson~~~
ur prayer is so touched ~ when i was reading, my hot tears welled up in eyes and flow out~ (ToT) i feel the touch of the holy spirit, ~~~the prayer is also my heart for Jesus and it makes me think a lot.

time is running out.... maximun glory for Jesus no matters what it takes!!!

take care la the lovely son of God!

 

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