So this last week has been quite interesting. I was at IHOP (International House of Prayer) in Kansas City for six days. I attended my good buddies Brent and KJ Steeno's wedding. So happy for them! Another one coming up in KC this week for Brian Kim! (Why is everyone and their moms getting married?)
Brent and KJ exchanging vows, finally!
We also had a Chinese Leadership Consultation, with about 40 Chinese leaders from HK, Taiwan, East Asia & US in the emerging student missions movement who had come to pray, fast and gather before the Lord to seek His will for Asia's role in the end times. The entire experience was humbling.
Praying for Asia's Role in the End Times.
We had gathered to discuss the strategies for the nations, rather the Holy Spirit didn't have us discuss much strategy at all, but rather He knit our hearts together in a most beautiful way. He showed us ministry is not about vision, mission or reaching goals, rather ministry is about relationships. That is, relationship with the Father and relationship with one another. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn, as I realize most of my life ministry has been about pursuing a vision, not people. Like many leaders in the Body of Christ, I've made a great mistake of having more relationship with my revelation from God, rather than a relationship with God and those He has entrusted to me. So many times, I have chased after being obedient to the heavenly vision, at all costs, even at the cost of people and friends I dearly love. It's like a father who works so hard at his job, thinking he is doing his family a favor, when in actuality he is losing the very thing he is working for. When he finally achieves that sense of accomplishment at his work, whether its a promotion, position or economic success, he goes back home and realizes his wife and children have checked out and left him. I don't want to be that man, yet, I am much afraid that is what I have become, in a sense, these past years in regards to pursuing ministry at the cost of hurting important relationships in my life. I have forfeited friends for pursuing a destiny. I've hurt a lot of people along the way, and I'm truly sorry. What does it mean to love? That is something I'm still trying to figure out. I guess the Holy Spirit is asking me, what do you love more Jaeson? Do you love ministry or do you love people? Because if the answer is ministry, than you really are not ministering at all.
Relationships are not easy. Relationships bring the best out of you and the worst out of you. It's easy to love God, it's not easy to love people. My life mission statement is "To know and make known His manifest presence to this generation" Hmmm, recently I realized in this mission statement there is nothing to say about "knowing one another" that is, it's easier at times to radically pursue God and compassionately pursue the lost for their salvation, but it is not easy to radically love those in your inner circle. Being Christ-like has to do with the "one-another's" and that takes a lot of giving up what you want, so that God can have what He wants in others. It takes living out your Christianity by loving people, those close and even those not so close. Those you like and those you don't like at all. To see each one as a child of God, and not just a stepping stone to get to where you want to be.
Loving people means getting real with those who know you best, those who are closet to you, those who see all your quirks, character flaws, immaturity and failures. Humility is being honest with others of who you really are. I could imagine, if I wanted to I could just be another high flying evangelist who preaches on large stages, rallies big crowds and networks with leaders in strategic meetings for the rest of my life. That is easy. None of that requires relationships, it just requires gifting. Your gifts will get you places, but it is only friendships, real ones that will form your character and prune you to be a better person. I have officially realized I suck at relationships. I suck at really loving people selflessly. In fact, I'm not sure I really know how, even sometimes I'm afraid to. I wonder if it is because I didn't grow up in a family where the relationship bonds were strong, where loving one another was a priority. I wonder.
To truly love others it takes being vulnerable, teachable, ready to admit you are wrong, it means facing your worst fears, even taking rejection from others, yet still pursuing to love others, yes even those that don't like you and those you don't like. It's about putting people before programs. It's about putting relationships before ministry. It's about putting people, God's children, before yourself. I would have so much to write on this subject, I can't even get my words out right here.
Basically, I ended up reconciling this week with everyone. Starting with our leaders from Hong Kong, after ministering together for 4 years now, I realized how many times I had hurt them because I put ministry before their personal needs, I valued the strategic vision more than I valued them as friends. I ended up reconciling with another sister from the US, whom I have been at odds with for a while now, humbling myself, asking for forgiveness and now I sense our partnership in ministry is so much more meaningful. In fact, I don't want to do anymore ministry that is not built upon true friendships. I want fellowships of the heart.
There was more humbling, but I don't want to get into details. Trust me, it was painful and beautiful all at the same time. All I know is that life is simply about one thing: Loving Him and loving one another. This is a lesson I am learning. Revival can wait, relationships can't. For out of loving one another, the world will know that we are His disciples. I don't get how it works, but I trust it does. My passion is to know Him, it is to see church planting movements established on every campus, city and nation, but what's the point if all that is accomplished, but relationships aren't? It was all for nothing.
Below are a few pics from the Chinese Leadership Consultation. Cool friends I met like Angela who served us with good ol' midwestern hospitality, Mike Bickle and his new Chinese family in America lol, and of course my Passion Church family at UCLA, it was so great to see everyone when I got back from the airport to watch Alyson's singing performance. Good times. I pray for more and more shall come if I choose to take notice :)
Angela, she was sooooooooooooo kind :)
Passion Church Family at Alyson's Taiwanese Culture Night Performance. Happy times :)
Well, it's been a long time coming, but even as I write this blog I'm SMILING :D because after 9 years waiting, I've finally made a "rap song" something that I have prayed about, waited on God for, given up, surrendered, and after a series of prophetic dreams in November, the Holy Spirit was telling me to get my "heart back" and run after my teen age dreams of making rap tracks that would bless a generation to find Christ and experience His presence.
God led me to a great brother in Christ, a worship leader, named Mike in LA, we connected and decided to make what we call "Worship Rap" it's experimental, this is the first song we've made together at his house. It's nothing too professional, but to me, it's worship, it's something beautiful because it came from our hearts, from our spirit to worship God in truth.
The track is called "Heart Back" it's a song I made, depicting my wilderness struggle of losing my intimacy with God through these past years of life and ministry. It's a heart cry, a prayer to God to have His presence, His intimate love touch my heart again and re-awaken my soul. It's a prayer that I would return to my first love, to love Him more than anything else in this life, more than ministry, more than everything. I pray you enjoy this track, it's a long time coming.
PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU LISTEN & WORSHIP TO THIS SONG WITH A REAL STEREO SYSTEM, OR A BANG'N CAR TRUNK, OR IT WON'T DO THE SONG JUSTICE!
Download the track to your computer, then play it in a stereo system, with subs so you can hear the bass knockn. chyea.
All praise and glory be to God for blessing me with the ability to make music for Him, He is good! I pray this track blesses your spirit, listen to it with your spirit, it's not polished, but it's heart felt, may it fill you and give you a greater passion to seek His face. word.
At least 21 people were killed Monday in a shooting rampage at Virginia Tech -- the deadliest school shooting incident in U.S. history. "Some victims were shot in a classroom," university police Chief Wendell Flinchum said. The gunman is also dead, he added.
Lord we ask for mercy, for all the victims, the students, professors, their families and friends. Lord have mercy on our nation, protect the youth of this nation, Father send protective angels at this moment to Virginia Tech, turn what the Devil meant for evil for good, please Lord, have mercy and bring speedy justice for those lives who were taken, Holy Spirit be with every person on this university, comfort the mourning, bring salvation to those who are without hope, have us to pray Lord, we ask for grace in this hour.
29 Now, Lord, look on their threats, and grant to Your servants that with all boldness they may speak Your word, 30 by stretching out Your hand to heal, and that signs and wonders may be done through the name of Your holy Servant Jesus." 31 And when they had prayed, the place where they were assembled together was shaken; and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and they spoke the word of God with boldness.
Last night, I was at the Harvest Rock "Revival Convergence Conference" Heidi Baker spoke, her love, that is the love of God in her is unexplainable, unearthly, supernatural, and I pray, as this woman has been an example to give of herself entirely to love this dying world, to love it to wholeness, that we would have that same heart, to give completely of ourselves to the work of God to bring light in this dark dark world, she spoke of receiving the cup of "suffering and joy" and how in the last month in Mozambique Africa a flood destroyed 360 of their churches, then missiles came and bombed their mission base (yet no one, no pastors or children were hurt) but 300 villagers surrounding were killed, how they supernaturally feed 50,000 orphans a day and how over 100,000 souls came to Christ this last month through the power of the Holy Spirit and compassion in the midst of destruction. I'm in humble awe of what God can do through a person, souled out as a laid down lover. Heidi prayed for me at the end, my heart broke, it cried out, like I have not cried out in a long time. I saw a vision of the nations while lying on the altar, Africa and China dying, destroyed by the works of the Devil, I saw North America, a generation sleeping, deceived and powerless, I cried out for justice, I pray, I pray, I pray, I pray we would pray until something happens to change the evil in this world, that we would ask God to answer our prayers and make us His hands and feet in this dying world that it would find Jesus, the only hope of the world, Christ in me the hope of glory.
Father, look upon the enemies threats, send "real" revival in this generation. We need it so bad Lord, my heart breaks each time I look at the spiritual destitution of our society, lives that are hurt, broken, dying, destroyed, hopeless and left for ruin. People who turn to broken cisterns, looking for living water, but only finding a empty cup of nothing, God where is Your power in our day? God break North America free from the slavery the enemy has trapped us in, break us free from religion, a form of truth but with no power. I look at the hearts that our dead, I look at the compromise, I look at the pain, I look at the powerlessness and lack of compassion of my own heart, break me God, break me for the poor, the broken, the orphan and widow, give me love that overflows, love that knows no fear, love that breaks me from "me", love that doesn't care what others think, or how I will feel, what will happen to me, love that will leave me in selfless abandon to the power for which You have called me. Father, raise up a chosen generation, don't let this generation go to waste, don't pass this generation by, don't let us be like the Israelites in the wilderness who wandered for forty years, not entering into the promise, but Lord AWAKEN this generation, awaken it from it's slumber and selfishness, fear and turmoil, awaken us from dead religion, empty rituals, Christian hypocrisy, selfish living, and move us into action, the nations need it, Africa needs it, the children there are dying, they are starving, they are faced with injustice daily, tormented, raped and treated as animals, little children are dying in Africa of AIDS and massacre, genocide, GOD release JUSTICE! SEND ME, SEND US, let us not wallow in our little suburbs, and office rooms, dormitories, and church services, but let us GO and help those in need, the dying of this world. Lord, release justice to the orphan and widow in China, the millions of little girls who are being aborted, left abandoned, prostituted for no reason but a hell bent edict to destroy their precious lives, oh God have mercy, millions are dying around the world and what am I doing? what are we doing? Break us out of selfish living, throw us out of our church services and into the streets of Los Angeles where there are homeless, without anything, those without love, God send Your children to be that love, to be your church in the streets, to be the answer to their prayers, God awaken this generation, how can we worship you on Sunday when there are people dying on our very streets, in our very backyards, oh God, have mercy upon your church, have mercy on our lack of love, have mercy on me for I have not obeyed You, God send "real" revival, forgive us for abandoning and rejecting Your Holy Spirit Father in our generation, we don't honor You Holy Spirit, we have rejected Your gifts, reduced you to a thought, a theology, a empty religion with no power, a meaningless discourse, oh Holy Spirit come back to our generation, pour out Your Spirit like the days of old, make us desperate for Your Spirit, truly desperate, to tarry in prayer until You are poured out like Pentecost once again, pour out Your Spirit upon Los Angeles California again, across this nation, release a 3rd great awakening, a real revival, not just programs, outreaches and meetings, and conferences, release the REAL THING, change hearts, transform lives and cities and this nation once again, come like a FLOOD, come like You promised in Joel 2:28 once again, forgive us for wounding You Holy Spirit, not cherishing You or befriending You, honoring You as the Third person of the Godhead, forgive me for ignoring You so many times in my life, oh God, pour out Your Spirit, glorify Your Son Jesus, glorify Him through thy Holy Spirit in this hour, I'm tired of doing it on my own, I can't do it without You, it is Your work, all I can do is pray and obey You, I am here asking for reality Lord, asking for reality in this hour, I look around me, the enemy is attacking Your generation, locking down your children in bondage, in sin, in shame, in sickness, in apathy, in lifelessness, in pornography "destroy the porn industry", send revival to the porn industry, save them all, deliver your sons and daughters who are bound to this sin of pornography, also save the homosexual community, sweep them all into your loving Kingdom, send revival to Hollywood, revive every person in this modern day Babylon, fill it with the wonder and awe of God, fill it with the entertainment that only can come from Your perfect glory, we need a real revival, stretch out Your mighty right hand and once again show Your power, send forth signs, wonders and miracles at the name of Your Holy Servant Jesus! Deliver the sick, the demon possessed, the poor and the downtrodden, fill our hearts with boldness, raise up a remnant, do it for real God, oh God have mercy, send a real revival to this desolate land that is crying out for living water. Oh generation, awaken, God is our only answer! in Jesus precious, most beautiful and wonderful name, have mercy son of David. Make the wrong things right, I won't stop crying out till this happens. Amen.
Most people think of servant leadership as serving others, not for Jesus, His first goal of leadership was to serve His Father.
Interesting. I'm 26 now, I have a blackberry with 2,000+ contacts, people calling me daily, my inbox averages over a hundred emails every 24 hours, ministry seems to be non-stop and the responsibilities of it are ever demanding. There are local ministry needs, regional, national and international projects and you begin to wonder like me the other day, "Where the heck did all this come from? I never asked for this? I was just trying to love Jesus!"
Sometimes, ministry can get so overwhelming. The expectations of people are unreal, the demands are daunting and you wonder if there is a way out of this "Christian matrix" I call the "system." In Western Church, I realize more and more how Christianity is measured by performance. Your success and value is based upon what you do, not who you are, nor how obedient you are to the will of Father. In fact, much of the worlds value system is adopted by the Church, "bigger is better", success can be counted, planned, measured and produced. You are expected to do the do, because everyone else is doing it. You are expected to do what Christians expect you to do, that is, how you should behave, talk like, act like, blog like, be like, etc. But the more I study the life of Jesus, I see the exact opposite. He gave Himself to 12 disciples, kinda screwy disciples, but He focused His attention on a few. He seemed to never mind the crowds, their demands, their wants, their needs, instead I see Him constantly talking to the Father and only doing what He saw the Father doing (Jn 5:19). Jesus was not "consumer driven or seeker friendly. He was God driven and Father friendly, meaning He was 100 percent obedient to the Father, it didn't matter what the crowds thought. In Mark 1:35, there are literally crowds of people chasing after Him to receive ministry, and He bounces, literally disappears out of the blue, without telling anyone and leaves the crowds with no apology to spend time in prayer. Then He moves on to the next place. He didn't care what people thought of Him, only of what God thought of Him. Jesus was never burnt out. :)
Mark 1:35-38 "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Simone and his companions went to look (hunt) for him, and when they found him, they exclaimed: "Everyone is looking for you!" Jesus replied, “Let us go somewhere else- to nearby villages- so I can preach there also. That is why I have come”
"Jesus unswervingly sought His Father’s guidance for the direction of his ministry, rather than simply responding to popular demand, he took the initiative in terms of His overriding purpose. The demand for Jesus was so relentless in Galilee that had he allowed pressure from the crowds to determine the future course of his ministry, he would never have completed the work his Father had entrusted to him. As a servant leader his primary allegiance was to his heavenly Father. First and foremost Jesus was committed to doing his heavenly Father’s bidding, not to meeting the demands of his followers and the crowds. He came to fulfill the role of the “servant of the Lord.” (Leadership Next, Eddie Gibbs)
I'm at a place in my life, honestly, where I realize I can only give so much, do so much, before I lose my Christianity, what I mean is my "relationship and intimacy with God." Ministry can kill you, if you serve it as your God. People will never stop knocking at your door, wanting this or wanting that. There will never be enough time in a day if you serve people, because that is life and life is demanding. I guess it also gets frustrating sometimes when you can't be there for everyone, and they end up interpreting your inability to be there for them, as you don't care. That hurts. I wish I could honestly care for every friend I love, be there at all times, but I'm not Jesus. I guess it's OK to be limited or human, to not please everyone, whether they think well or ill of you, what matters is that you obey Father and make that the most important relationship of all. From that connection, everything else will somehow connect, I'm sure of it.
Sometimes, I seriously want to pack my bags, and bust a Jesus, disappear for a good bit and just spend time with Abba. I guess this is something you can pray for me about. That I would be able, by God's grace to control the system, not let the system control me. The system says, "You do, therefore you are" Jesus says, "You are, therefore you do" You are not loved for what you do, how many people you help, how much God uses you to change the world, or how committed you are as a Christian, you are loved simply because Abba Father loves you. And LIFE flows from obeying His will, not your own or the will of others.
Father, I pray for grace in the midst of a ever demanding world. Please give me Jesus' perspective and not my own or the world's. I'm tired of pleasing man, I only want to please You. Take me out of the system, for You have placed me in this world, but not of it. Keep my heart, anoint it with oil, give me grace to make the right decisions, regardless of what others think, help me to only obey You, walk with You, follow You, to keep intimacy as priority. I love You Daddy, I need more of You, I need Your wisdom and voice to make it through. I don't want to just make it Father, I want to live as Jesus did, I want live in the fullness of the Spirit, in freedom, JOY and out of a place of rest being confident in the will of God. Destroy the traps, the system that the Enemy has entangled so many in, let Your sheep hear Your voice and walk in it, do not let me, nor this generation stray from the one thing you have created us for, relationship with You, not with ministry. In Jesus name amen.
Passion Church Family at Alyson's Taiwanese Culture Night Performance. Happy times :)
