Monday, December 29, 2003

i'm back from the FCBC retreat. back at work! woohoo!
i just need to share a bit and get things off my chest before
I head into the rest of the week.

I met some awesome, awesome, youth at FCBC...geez so many.
Jeff (getting out of gang and getting into Jesus), Justin (17 year
old missionary & future church planter), Anita (future missions
mobilizer, preacher, prophetess), Aaron & Leanna (two incredible
lead-worshippers with hearts of gold) Kevin & David (who were
touched by the Holy Spirits abounding love and power) and bunch
of way cool "counselors" who really loved the kids. haha..finally
got to meet spencer (great hilarious dood man)...wendy, clarissa,
melissa, john, little dylan and his momma who cooked & served
me dinner every night. It was a great time to hang out w/ so many
youth..there were soooo many more awesome young people..
but yeah...

honestly, I think my preaching and messages didn't go as well
as I would have liked. I guess the Lord's is breaking me and teaching
me more in how to approach and relate to "churched kids" geeez..
its soooo tough sometimes. The last night, I felt i had to change
my message the last minute. So I whipped up a message in like
20 minutes..and.. doink...it didnt make much sense...but hopefully
the Holy Spirit moved and touched each youths heart. I'm only
the messenger to give the message, its up to the Holy Spirit to
convict and bring about change. I need to be less self conscious
and realize that I can't please everyone. God is teaching me
to stick to my gunz, stay focused, simple and as always
"share from my heart." I really do pray the FCBC youth came out
of this retreat with something "practical" and "eternal" they can
take home. Overall, I'm thankful to God each time He gives me
the opportunity to share His Word. Although, sometimes I still
struggle w/ feeling like an utter failure & I begin to think
"Lord I don't want to speak at another camp or youth event
because my message is so non-encouraging & I'm not that
great of a communicator" But, hey I just want to be obedient.
I just want to do what God is telling me to do. I just want to
do my best, even if my best in a sense "fails"~yet in God's eyes
trying my best always means He's proud of me, He still likes me,
He still believes in me & I shouldn't always be that hard on myself.
And wake up Jaeson "not everyone in the world is going to like you!"
& Jaeson you need to start liking yourself.....

well...back in the office. God is good! We just opened up 2 meetings
in Texas w/ CompUSA and Radio Shack to demo our product. Oh
Lord .....give us double favor with these accounts. Also give me grace
and wisdom to breakthrough with Target, Good Guys, Amazon & Kmart.
I trust You and know You will guide me and give me great success.

Lastly, I realize as I come into 2004 I need to make some serious
New Year commitments. More time with God, more time to exercise,
more time with family/friends, more focus in my life. Everyone seems to
think i'm NutZ.... full time school, full time work, full time church planting,
monthly speaking engagements, hosting a TV show, building a Youth Center,
networking youth pastors in the city, media projects w/ Hammer, auditioning
for TV/film, sorta working on my rap album, soooooooooooooooooo yeah..
this is bad. I really need to cut down. Lord teach me, discipline me, guide me,
cut things out if You have to so that I can focus more time on the things that
matter. I guess I'm the byproduct of an MTV generation who loves multi-tasking
and doing everything at the same time...good and not good. I need focus.

Sometimes I wonder if I was just born to multi-task? Well, I did draw a picture
for my dad when I was 6 years old with me Monday-Friday (Business man),
Saturday (Artist), Sunday (Preacher) haha..i just realized at this last retreat
I'm doing all of that in a weird way. What am I going to do when I graduate
in March? haha...I know...DISNEYLAND...or maybe I'll get married..YEAH RIGHT!!!!
don't know what to think of the future....I like being single...but then I don't.
I wish things wouldn't have to be so complicated w/ relationships..I dunno.
Well the journey (process) to maturity continues and daily death continues.
It hurts, but its part of the journey, so jaeson learn to embrace it with gladness.

Lord You're all I want, You're all I need, You're everything, EVERYTHING.
(Jason Wade- Lifehouse)


ps..LOTR RETURN OF THE KING: 1 word~ MASTERPIECE got to watch it w/
Erica n' Serg...we came out of the theater in disbelief of how beautiful
the movie was filmed. Then on Christmas night...haha..I watched
"Last Samurai" by myself...it was incredibly magnificent in it's own right.
I would describe it in the words of "honor, loyalty & courageous" ...i dunno
what it is with me and these war hero movies...i guess they all put fuel
in my heart.... ><>

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