Saturday, December 20, 2003

wow..what a beautiful night this was. Tonight I had an early Christmas
with mom, joyce and nancy. we were driving to my sister joyce's
house in mountain view & we joked how this was probably our most "broke"
christmas. we didn't even have enough money to buy each other presents.
tonight was also my sister joyce's birthday. my mom thought we would
take her out to eat, but instead she prepared an 8 dish, gourmet dinner
with thai, chinese, malay, food ~ and she even cooked each of our favorite
dishes (mine is bitter melon stir fried with beef!) what an awesome sister!

as we laughed around the table (something that hasn't happened for years)
my sister joyce prepared special christmas gifts for each of us (totally unexpected).
you see, she's heading for medical school the next 4 years and will be basically
broke the entire duration, so she decided to get us some really awesome gifts
since she won't be able to buy us any the next 4 years (how sweet).

well, instead of being our most "broke" christmas it became the "richest" not just
because God gave me 3 gifts that I wanted so bad, but most of all the love and
bond of my family for the very first time in a long while. I can't talk about my
dad's situation, but in the last month the Lord has restored each one of us
from bitter, resentment and unforgiveness to reconciliation and uncondiational love.

We went up to my sisters room with the lil christmas tree and man...i was going to
cry. My sister got my this waaaaay cool trendy "guess watch" the kind with the thick
leather band (funny thing was as I was walking through the mall today I said to God..
Lord i haven't had a watch in such a long time since my last one was stolen, i'd really
like one of those cool leather banded ones....but too bad i'm too poor right now). He
gave me the exact one I desired in my heart through my big sis. :oD i wanted to cry.
Does God love me or whut? :oP

Then my sis hands me another present! It was a late birthday gift. Well, I open it up
and its a "abercrombie and fitch" box (no way!) I open it and its this awesome knitted
orange sweather A/F. (funny thing was two nights ago i was walking through valley
fair mall christmas shopping when i passed by A/F and told myself not to walk in the
store because I would be tempted to buy clothes i couldn't afford). Does God love me
or whut? :oP

Well, my other big sis nancy got me a present too. She could only buy me a present
because she didn't have $ for my other sis and mom. I open it up and its a "slick"
dark satin red dress shirt and kenneth cole tie "perfect for my new job" (funny thing
was yesterday at work I wore a one of my only dress shirts/ties with a suit jacket and
everyone in our company complimented how sharp I looked and encouraged me to
keep dressing the same. I thought to myself, "too bad this is my only shirt/tie combo,
I don't have $ to buy another shirt/tie right now.") well, now I do. Does God love me
or whut? ;oD

Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He shall give you the desires of your heart"

It amazes me over and over again how God pays attention to the minute details of our
desires. I can't count how many times I wanted something, didn't have the means to
get it and God got the exact thing I desired (i mean exactly) to make me happy and
show me He loved me. wow..Daddy You are soooooo AWESOME!!!!

Its not the gifts that amaze me, its the "attention" God gives to the little things.
Its the blessing of smiling, laughing and just hanging with my mom and two sisters.
Yeah, we don't have much, we are pretty poor when it comes to the average household
in the Silicon Valley, but dang it we are pretty darn rich when compared to the homeless
child in North Africa. Now that is a physical evaluation, but spiritually we are MORE rich
than you could ever imagine. Riches don't come from the gifts, it comes from the heart
and joy from the giver of the gifts. I AM BLESSED! STRAIGHT UP BLESSED!

soooo much has happened these past few weeks. I can't explain. Its been a struggle,
yet it has been a blessing just living day by day. Trying my best to live out each day
to its fullest potential by loving those God has put into my path. Like when I went
down to LA last Monday and got to hang out with my old "acting buddy" Kathy Nguyen.
Wow! i am soooo proud of her! She is doing movies, commericials, most of all she
is living out her dream that she was afraid to explore in high school. Yet, it was incredible
as we ate IHOP during one of the video shoot breaks and the Lord opened a door
for me to share with her the true meaning of life "is not being famous" or chasing one
success after another, but rather finding our success and definition of worth in Christ.
Knowing that we are first and foremost "beloved of God" and from there our giftings
and passion flow. She started crying while we were eating pancakes and told me
how empty she has been feeling and how she needed to hear what i shared....that
God loves her & that is all that matters. We got to pray, it was awesome.

Then during Hammer's music video shoot I got to connect back again with my old friend
Karin Anna Cheung (lead actress of Better Luck Tomorrow). It's funny how you know
you get connected back with someone for a God reason. She called me the day after
the video shoot & shared with me her triumphs and struggles and an up and coming
asian american actress in hollywood. IT WAS SO INPIRING. Karin told me how she had
to turn down a major Spike Lee TV series because the role would require her to be
nude and make out. It was so convicting as she shared with me how even though
right now she is living on mac n' cheese, eventhough it is sooo hard to find work in Hollywood,
that when her agent called her and told her she would have to give Spike Lee
an answer in 5 minutes, she went with her gut feeling and turned down the major
opportunity. She turned down fame in order to preserve her DIGNITY and RESPECT
as a women of God. WOW! YOU GO KARIN! All her friends have been ridiculing, condemning,
and calling her a fool to turn down the big break. I was the first one to tell her, GOD IS
PROUD OF YOU KARIN! I told her how her chidren would praise her and thank her
as a mother in the future for respecting herself and not selling herself to the warped,
degrading mindset of hollywood. She responded, "you know all i had was 5 minutes
to make the decision and all I could think about was what happens when my own
children go into the arts and are asked to do a sexually immoral scene, if I took this
role i would have no right or authority to tell them not to do so, because of this reason,
because of the future implications, I could not help but to say no to the role." How many
women in hollywood right now have enough respect for themself to do what Karin did?
Certainly not Christina Aguilera or Britney Spears. I am so proud of Karin, what a role
model she is and will be to the thousands of aspiring young actresses in the world.
What a testimony she was and is for Jesus Christ. wow...she left me in awe...what
a powerful statement she made with her decision to love herself as God does.

ok....i better get going..... so much more to write about....but gotta get to bed...
love you Jesus...thank you for loving me in my weakness. jaeson


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