Saturday, June 07, 2003

totally random..but today i was at the SF Metreon
and I'm in the arcade and guess who i bump into?
"Robin Williams" was nutz. I got him to autograph

well, at 6am I'll be on my way to the santa cruz mountains
for an "Encounter" retreat. Its a special retreat specifically
to deal with deliverance n' inner healing. Then on Wed
I will be heading to SoCal for 3 straight days of intense
inner healing with a couple from Seattle. I guess i'm
excited in a sober way. There is so much going
on in my mind right now, I'm praying this next week will
set me free from many of the insecurities, past bondages
fears of rejection and so forth. Please if you can ~pray for me.

Pray that i encounter the Truth of who i really am. That God
would bring clarity to the many things i'm holding onto &
that i would be set free from my past and brought present
to the carpe diem of each day. I dunno, all i know is that
I don't really have a clue with what God is doing in my life
right now & I know that i have a very long way to go before
i become whatever God is calling me to be. Sometimes i get
so frustrated with myself, my failures and my misplaced hopes.
Sometimes I think i could be possibly to hard on myself. I just
feel so unworthy, so unqualified and so weak to do what I sense
God is calling me to do. On the outside alot of people see me
as this youth minister guy- full of faith and confidence~but truly
i'm a total dork, really. I don't know what i'm doing, i really don't..
and maybe one day i'll grow out of this place of wanting and
grow into a place of being.

Truly Lord, you know my heart, all i really want is Your will for my life...
and if that means taking away what You have given me and giving up the
things i so dearly desire...You know i can't fight You...i guess my prayer is that
one day i would turn from Jacob into Israel. i'm hoping tomorrow will be the
beginning of a new jason.... n' that by the end of this week i'll be that much more
on my way onto maturity...prepare me Lord for the challenges that lie ahead..
give me Your grace when times of pain and suffering me to become
and help me to be-loved.

so friends please have patience with me as i'm on my way of becoming..who?
um i'm not sure, until then, i'm sure out of my youthful zeal and immaturity
i will inevitably dissapoint you, anger you, frustrate you, fail you even..but
hey the best thing about true friendship is that there is no fear of failure
because true friends understand that neither one is perfect. and we are all
here to just help each other along to that One Thing that is. :OD Jesus.

well i come! the Truth hurts, but its the lies that kill.
may I die Lord, so that i may truly live.

ps..still gotta watch bruce almighty :OP


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