peace in the storms of life :)

it's been some time since i've written a personal blog.

life is definitely full of the unexpected. i can say that the last few weeks have been pretty rough. My family at home was in utter chaos. I don't even know how to explain it, but it was very difficult seeing my sister in the condition she was in & other challenges I guess I can't just write out onto a public blog. Yet, God's grace was there to get me through the storm. The dust is beginning to settle & I could see how God used this time of trial to test the fruit of the spirit in me. I'm pretty sure I didn't do too well on the test, but I definitely learned some new things.

More and more I see how God continually challenges me to be there for my family and friends. I must confess it is difficult being the "type A" driven person that I am. Really, what I need is a reorganizing of my priorities in life. God first, family second, me last. How about that? Well, that will be a challenge for the rest of my days. I honestly thought I lost my cool once and for all yesterday, but God's grace again was there when I was just about to "lose it."

Some of my friends have been asking me, how do you keep your peace with all that attack? I'm like, "I don't know, sometimes I feel God's peace, sometimes I don't, but I know His peace is there." It's faith & you get faith by standing on the promises of God's word. You also get faith when you reflect on how many times God has gotten you out of similar trials & tribulations in the past....& proven faithful everytime.

I'm in a Jeremiah 33:3 season right now. "Call unto me and I will show you great and mighty things which you do not know!" I feel like there is something more...even more than the revival I've experienced from campus to campus, nation to nation. Something more than passion...something more than what I've experienced up to this point. I'm not sure what I'm looking for. All I know is that I'm crying out for more. It's been so difficult to call unto the deep of God when all the world around me has been crashing in like tidal waves, but i refuse to give up. These last 3 weeks I've felt so out of whack and out of touch I don't know what to think or even understand where I am. But, I know if I take it one day at a time, I'll get there. I'm not sure where "there" is, but I know if I just keep praying and keep crying out deep unto deep....God will answer. There is a mystery in the heavens that is waiting to be revealed to me, I just know it, I can sense it in the deepest part of my being. I just don't know what it is. Lord what is it? What is it that you have me crying out for in this season? What is it that you desire to reveal? What is missing? I call out to you Lord, show me Your mighty ways, Your majestic plans, Your infinite beauty, Your perfect will at this hour of time!

All I can say is God is faithful. He is sooooo faithful. Every major challenge these last 3 weeks have been brought to light. God was faithful to my family, my two sisters, the ministry, the desires of my heart...everything. Everyday...the Lord teaches me again and again..."learn to trust me on this one Jaeson" ......"don't try to figure it out in your own strength, don't think on it Jaeson, don't worry, just .....trust Me, I am Your salvation, I am Your approval, I am Your answer....trust ME."

ha...anyways, God's been good to me through new friends and family. While my house was in utter chaos, I got to spend alot of time with a family I've been getting to know more and more. The "Ainslie's" ...lol..really this family is a God send to me. I met Mike through a missionary mentor of mine in Singapore. He's white, but His wife is from Hong Kong and they have two children that are like my little bro and sis now. I don't know what it is about them, we just have fun and get along. We went snowboarding up in Oregon 2 weeks back. it was soooooooooooooooo much fun! God even made it happen that I forgot to bring my phone charger so I was forced to not CALL OR HOLD MEETINGS! what a relief & blessing!

sometimes with my life~family and ministry can be "overwhelming" &
you just need some outlets to get your mind off things. Well, can't say
what, but i've picked back up a few hobbies these last few weeks. I can honestly say..."it feels good" to do some things you like to do. Really, things are well. I've had a God given peace I can't explain & I thank God for helping me and my family. Helping me and my friends.

I'm still amazed every day when I think about the AWESOME group of student leaders we have ministering on university and high school campuses. Caleb, Josh and Dave just had me pray over them today before they went out to worship and preach in public at UCLA.....how blessed I am to have bros like dat to partner together with in this battle for the Lord. I am blessed. Straight up blessed!

one day at a time. one step at a time. one moment in time~cherish every moment you got & don't take it for granted.

God bless!
jaes

posted by Jaeson Ma @ 4/09/2005 12:12:00 AM