Well, its been a while since i've written in this web journal
and it would take a few chapters for me to write all that has
happened in the past month or so. Instead, I'll just jot some
general thoughts going through my head. A few praises..
God hooked me up w/ my dream car, a "1965 Cherry Red Mustang"
totally mintand running strong with a V8 engine! It's a crazy story
how i even got it, it was totally God and it totally eats gas..but hey
its worth it! I have yet to give it a name, but I justcall it my new "girlfriend"
my heart melts everytime I look at it. :OP Oh yeah! So I also
landed a new VJ TV hosting job for this new TV show in the Bay
called "Gamer Nation" (i emcee about the latest video games on xbox,
ps2, gamecube, etc..) Ironic thing is I don't even own a game system and
I SUCK at video games! Crazy thing is out of over 150 people who auditioned
and 3 host positions offered- me and two other female co-hosts
get the job & we all happen to be devoted "Christians" ...kinda nutty eh?

In the midst of God's blessings, it truly has been a test these
last few weeks. God brought me through an intense time of inner healing in June,
started a new church (sort of), reading alot and have been traveling around speaking at
little conferences and networking daily with different key leaders....so it sounds
like alot, but really it just feels like i'm doing alot of stuff,
and alot of it feels tiresome and empty. I mean, not that any of it is in vain,
because God has been confirming and ordering each encounter to be His will and
even at times its exciting to see God's hand moving each day. Yet, there is something~
a divine dissatisfaction in me that I haven't had in a while. It's like none of this "stuff"
matters, what i really want is God. I don't know if that makes sense, but i don't
think i myself know what is suppose to make sense. There is a whole lot of VISION
in front of me for so many things, yet i feel visionless. Something
is missing and i think its the simplicity of a relationship with God that fulfills all
and is all. but the neverending question is how do i get to that place where
He is?

In the mean time, I'll let God continue to work on me. I'm a work in progress
and that's for sure. I'm happy it's saturday today...there is nothing better
but entering into God's "rest." ha..i just got done watching another classic
movie..."roman holiday" i'm such a geek..but i guess sometimes movies can
help you escape the reality and pressures of life. oh yea..i bought "hero"
today (jet li movie) and the lady at the store said it was in "cantonese"
but ITS IN MANDARIN W/ NO SUBTITLES!!!!! sooo yea..dat sucked. Anyways,
regarding the future, I'm at peace and I know everything will work itself
out. I think I've come to the place "hopefully" where I'm not trying to make
my future happen, but trusting God that He knows best. As the future unfolds
I'll just let God continue to break, mold, shape and make me in His Potter
hands...............i've got a long way to go before I can give myself away.
I just gotta keep my eyes focused on the straight and narrow with Jesus
as my end goal~and I'm sure everything else will fall into place.

posted by Jaeson Ma @ 7/18/2003 10:05:00 PM